Turn that frown upside down...and away we go

Friday was a roller coaster of emotions. My oldest went from happy to sad to anxious and back to happy again for hours and hours. Not knowing which emotion would come next, I "tiptoed" around him while trying my best to stay strong, stern and consistent in my message that the behavior he was displaying was not acceptable. No matter what I did, he was not cooperating, nor self regulating enough to calmly discuss what he was feeling inside. After heading to our basement to read book on his own, I decided to once again try and talk to him about why he was having such "a day". I was pleasantly surprised to see him smiling and asking me to watch his "show". He politely asked me to sit on the alphabet carpet; specifically the letter A and watch his Winnie the Pooh collection show. As he danced to the music and turned the pages of the book, I watched and thought about what was going on in that little mind of his at that very moment in time. The show lasted about 15 minutes and so did the smile. As soon as it was over, he once again began a meltdown; yet this time nothing I did or said seemed to help it. Finally I chose to walk upstairs and give him some space. Sometimes that is the only way to get him to self regulate - give him some time to figure it out on his own and he will eventually calm himself down. Well not this time. Less than 5 minutes after I left him downstairs, I hear him run up the stairs, into his room and slam the door. By this time, I am really at a loss because this is something that I have not seen or heard from him in months. This is the old kid, not the one who has worked so hard over the last 3 years to understand his little brain and body and figure out how everything within both areas work together. I decided to give him a few minutes before heading upstairs and into his room. When I finally opened the door to his room, I found him sitting on his window ledge, looking like he had just lost his favorite stuffed dog and looking at a photo album given to him by his teachers at OPNS, his last preschool. He was singing when somebody loves me(from the scene in Toy Story 2 when Jessie is looking out the window reminiscing about her time with the little girl who loved her before giving her away) I slowly walked over to where he was sitting, knelt down beside him and said baby what's wrong; why do you look so sad. He looked up at me and said, mommy I really miss my friends and my teachers. None of them came with me to Maryland and I'm sad. Tears welled up in my eyes as I reassured him that it was ok to feel scared and anxious about starting a new school and reminded him that he didn't know anyone when we went to OPNS in the summer of 2011. For the next few minutes we sat next to each other, as he asked me questions about where each picture was taken. Slowly but surely, the anxiety left his face and his frown turned upside down. He told me he felt better and asked me for a snack. While the events leading up to our little “heart to heart” saddened me and brought a frown to my face, the ability for him to communicate his feelings, understand that everything is going to be ok and move forward by not letting it ruin his whole day brought a huge smile to my face. It made me realize that although these “episodes” are still a part of who he is, they no longer define him. He has the tools he needs to make it through any situation, we just need to be patient, support him and keep things consistent for him. We need to continue throwing obstacles his way, in a safe environment, so that he can continue to grow and learn new ways to deal with whatever it is life throws his way. Kindergarten began today and although Friday was filled with meltdowns and anxiety, today was a great day. We walked to school with a group of other kids and parents; some with their little boy or girl just beginning Elementary school and others in older grades. Regardless of their age, we all walked up the hill and across the street to the school. It was great to have so many neighbors going to school with us. I believe it helped keep our son focused and excited about starting school. As we approached the front door of the school, my oldest took off running with some of the other kids. With my 2 year old at my hip, we ran after him, around the corner and into the school cafeteria. He ran over to the teacher and sat down on his bench. Looking around, he realized that kids at the next table were coloring. Very politely, he said, excuse me and asked, am I going to get some paper to color? The teacher looked at him, smiled and said, in a minute. Instead of getting anxious and melting down, he said ok. He sat patiently as she talked to one of the parents and then handed him some paper so that he could color with his new friends. It was at that moment that I knew he was in good hands and in a good place within himself. I scooped up my little one, gave my big boy a high five and told him to have a great day. I would see him after school. Throughout the day my mind often wandered off, wondering what he was doing on his first day of Elementary school. When the end of the school day came I walked up the hill, across the street and over to the school with some of the mom’s from our neighborhood. After waiting about 10 minutes, one of the teachers walked out with my big guy. She told me that he said he was supposed to get on on the bus. I smiled and said, no, he is mistaken. He was adamant about it though and it took me a few minutes to calm him down and explain that we walked home with our neighbors just as we walked to school with them. Thinking that he was likely hungry, I offered him a snack and continued with my explanation as to why he didn’t take the bus. For a few moments, we stood looking at the buses and talking about how some kids rode and some kids walked. With food in his belly, he was able to calm himself down before going into anxiety overload. What a satisfying thing to see. The teacher went on to tell me that other than J getting in line for a school lunch instead of sitting down with those who brought one, his day went very well. In his case, he may think he hit the jackpot – 2 lunches, so much to choose from – what a treat. As I sit here now, typing away, I continue to be empowered by my oldest. His determination to fit in, to find his way in this world and to just be the best he can be, makes me strive every day to be a better me. I think back on all of the hours of hard work, tears, meetings and phone calls and am certain that none of it was wasted time. I think about all of those who have touched our lives; guiding us through this journey; like training wheels on a bicycle. You all know who you are and I thank each and every one of you for helping us get to where we are today. I have said it before and I will say it again, It takes a village and in our case it took an army to get here. As this new journey begins, we once again surround ourselves with more educators and specialists that have the ability to guide us down this ever changing road. I am hopeful and optimistic that the journey toward greatness will continue to unfold before our eyes. I will continue to be my children’s biggest advocate because if I don’t who will? Until Next time………………