From Anxious to Empowered - 5 years in the making

Virtual learning was a disaster since day one in our household for our 5th grader who has complex ADHD, Anxiety and other learning differences.  Let me be clear that while our child was in school he loved his teachers and friends. Virtual learning made showing up for class - in general - let alone on time, ready and able to access the curriculum through the computer a nightmare for our son.  

Additionally, in order to show up for class, either myself or my husband needed to be by his side for the entire day.  Over the first 3 and a half months of school most mornings started daily with tears, negative self-talk and sharing how much he hated virtual learning.  Statements such as "I can't learn", "teachers are ignoring me", "they are going too fast for me to follow along" were staples in the home and continued to be present during the school day.  

At the time. he had an IEP with 7+ hours of pull out plus OT services, which meant many transitions between google meets and teachers during the already complex day - so as you can imagine - for a child that struggles transitioning and has diagnosed processing delays - none of this is good.  Often turning his camera off so others didn't see him crying and frustrated.  He would walk away, do his best to try and calm down, then by the time he was regulated enough to come back to class he had missed more key information. This led to more frustration, more meltdowns and additional lack of learnings.  

Despite every effort to make this work, the environment provided via virtual learning didn't provide a learning platform where he could access the curriculum and learn. Instead it consistently contributed to increased levels of anxiety, ongoing negative self talk, impulsive behaviors to a level where it was no longer physically, mentally or emotionally healthy to keep him in public school.  We withdrew him from his homeschool and moved to a private school where - through the course of the next 5 years - gained tools to regulate, a pace that allowed him time to process, move, and embrace learning. Ultimately leading to a decrease in an anxiety negative self talk and an increase in self confidence, self esteem and a renewed love of learning.  

Fast forward 5 years - Currently taking online Drivers Education and shifting from this incredible private school I reference above to a comprehensive public school for his 11th and 12th grade years.  None of which would be possible, had we not chosen to take the path less followed - the one others didn't understand nor necessarily approve of at the time.  

A special thanks to my support system

This post goes out to all of those that have been supporting me through this journey so far. Each of you helping me in your own way and several of you are now following this blog. A friend of mine asked how I felt when I got my son's IEP results and found out that he was approved for services under the category of Autistic Like Behaviors.

My initial reaction was extremely mixed. I was not sure how to feel. I knew that this category in no way labeled him as having autism nor was it a diagnosis. In fact I came to find out that it was quite the opposite. It was the result of 7 professionals opinions, observations and many many assessment results compiled, reviewed, discussed and put into a plan of action to help my son continue his journey toward accomplishing the goals set for him over a year ago.

As a team, the conclusion was that he had enough behaviors to qualify for services. Knowing that he qualified for the early intervention services he needed in order to continue his growth well outweighed any one qualifying factor. My only concern is that my child gets what he needs to give him the best opportunity for success and happiness as he grows up. Right now I am 100% confident that we are on the right journey for him and for our family.

On another topic, I need to thank one of my friends for a comment she made to me the other day. She told me that when she had her child assessed by the Regional Center the gap in time b/w her child's first assessment and the final assessment was large enough for him to have changed behaviors due to the early intervention she was paying for out of pocket. I was shocked that this took place and then the same thing almost happened to me today.

Today, the regional center called me to set up our son's final assessment. They wanted to set up this meeting for mid August, stating that the calendar was being booked 2 months out for this assessment. I found that to be unacceptable since we started this process mid April, had the 2nd assessment mid May and they wanted to wait another 2 months for the final assessment. I thought back to what my friend had told me just a day ago and realized that if we waited another 2 months for the final evaluation it was very likely that my child would do what hers did........assess as though he was a different child.

I stood my ground, reasoned with the person at the office and finally came to an agreement that worked for me. Instead of waiting another 2 months for an assessment, my son is now having his final assessment next week. Persistence pays off when you do it the right way. You have to be stern, yet sincere. Don't lose your cool, find a way to stand your ground for what you believe in and most of all, keep your eye on the goal.........to make sure you child gets what he/she needs in order to be happy, confident and comfortable in his/her own skin.

For the first time in a long time I am very optimistic about a happy and bright future for our amazing first born son.