Choices Define Us

If we allow a medical diagnosis or disability to define a child, we have lost before we even get off the starting block. That pretty much sums up the foundation in which I began my journey2bloom.  This statement continues to ring true for my 1^st born son’s learning differences and keeps me grounded in what is important as I navigate our 2nd son's unique learning differences. In both situations, had I let their diagnosis lead me, neither would be where they are today.

Over the years I spent a lot of time writing about my almost 14 year old - sort of makes sense - since I spent 2.5 of his first 4 years of life navigating these unchartered waters, asking questions, sometimes getting answers, sometimes a run around, sometimes the evil eye and eventually finding experts that helped me navigate the path forward.  He wasn't hitting milestone's as a "typically" developing child should and as first-time parents we shared our concerns with our wonderful pediatrician.  She gave us literature that introduced us to what early intervention services was all about and gave us hope.

Aligning with those that knew more than me to figure out what was holding him back from developing, socializing, learning etc. was the best first decision I made on this journey2bloom. If I had listened to what some other experts, family and even strangers had told me I should or shouldn’t do to help us help him, I would be telling a very different story and our paths may never have crossed.  Thankfully my intuition, resilience and perhaps “stubbornness - don’t tell me my child can’t have the best of everything offered to him thinking” helped me stay grounded in good intentions and afforded me the strength and courage to continue navigating one way streets, dead ends and even u-turns that ultimately led to my village of advocates, incredible support team and foundation centered around the well-being of our children always being front and center. 

Defined by the choice to take the road less traveled led me start a blog about early intervention aka our journey2bloom. The decision - almost 10 years ago - to not take the words and guidance of a psychiatrist as "fact" and instead embark on a journey of seeking to understand what triggered my oldest son to exude behavior aligned with her findings, set me on a path that would become my purpose and passion. Fast forward to 2012, we now have 2 boys. By age 3, our oldest was entrenched in social skills classes, ABA Therapy, Speech and any other early intervention services we could find that would help put the pieces together. Our, youngest, the one we would call little sunshine was just starting to show signs of delays. Our happy go lucky, silly 2 year old who was always smiling, appropriately playing, interacting with others - essentially hitting every milestone up to that point - began showing signs of slowing progress. When the delays began to surface, I thought how could this be happening again? How could our kids be dealt hands that would make an already difficult world more difficult? I wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out and yet others kept telling me, "you only get what you can handle" followed by "you are one of the strongest people I know" I wasn't feeling strong, nor secure, nor able to wrap my head around what was about to take hold as the next phase in our journey2bloom.

For sake of this post, I will share some "highlights" and reserve the right to delve deeper into each of the subgroups at some point over the next several months to a year.

Our younger son's first early intervention experience was through infants and toddlers for Speech - during which time the SPL (Speech and Language Pathologist) observed what appeared to be a delay in fine motor skills and recommended he be assessed for OT (occupational therapy). Over the next 8 years, after speech, OT, Physical Therapy, Adaptive PE, and starting off kindergarten with an IEP classified as DD (Developmental Delay) because no one could quite figure out why he had so many delays nor where his learning differences were coming from the pieces of the puzzle finally began coming into focus. There were more questions than answers and varying diagnosis along the way. 

While we were surrounded by those who had become partners in conversation and advocates throughout the years of working together for our older son, there were also some educators who "took short cuts". Subsequently our younger son suffered because he wasn't provided full access to the curriculum needed for him to learn at the best of his ability during the pre-school, pre-k and early years of elementary school. We continue to fill in the early learning gaps impacted by those choices. 

This is where the choices we make define us statement comes back into play. Being an empath, something felt off to me for quite some time, but I couldn't put my finger on it nor when I asked questions, was I getting any straight answers about what I was questioning. During the early years with our youngest son, instead of answers I was told, "he is doing fine, doing well". Finally, small things began to surface that gave me a glimpse into what I had been feeling. Small things - such as - being sent home a paper with a smiley face when our son was telling us he was crying in school that day.   After choosing to gain more intimate knowledge of how advocacy and the school system intertwined, learning more about special education law when it came to the rights I had as a parent to continue requesting specific data until it was shared, I finally started getting somewhere with my younger son.  Asking for documented examples of progress this specific special educator stated our son was making on the IEP goals led to uncovering gaps in learning, missing documentation and inaccurate goal setting.  The journey gets more complicated as time goes on. ADHD, Anxiety and Absence Seizures, coupled with a fairly unique neuro-psych profile all play a role in his learning differences. I will pause here for today....more to come.

In part due to the above experiences I am now certain that when parents truly know their rights, and how to use their voice, kids thrive.  My hope is to serve the parents and caregivers by offering a forum to collaborate and learn how to use their voice to help their kids. Through conversations with parents, and even educators, I have found there are many people who don't know what they don't know about how to be an active part of the IEP or 504 team and so, instead, they sit in meetings and let the decisions be made for them and their child. I am on a focused mission is to change that so everyone moves forward together for the sake of the child.  If you or someone you know would like to come along on this journey, please reach out!  Journey2bloom@gmail.com

#journey2bloom

#inspireresilience

#ittakesavillage

#movingmountains

Find out more about how I can help here -> https://journey2bloom.wixsite.com/mysite

 

 

Vulnerability Opens Doors

Vulnerability opens doors to receiving, provides a pathway to transformation, a starting point to find your voice and ultimately leads to internal trust, belief and a better way of life.  This is the foundation upon which our journey2bloom has been built.

After going live with my last blog post, a side conversation took place between myself and the very first person who truly saw the best in our son, welcomed us in with open arms and became the first member of my tribe which has become a village of advocates.  As I reflected on the conversation, I felt obligated to turn it into my next blog post for those who weren’t privy to the discussion.  Here are the highlights…

This person, Andrea, took my hand, opened her heart and showed me what it meant to be an advocate, to lean in and lift someone up when they can't do it for themselves, to hold the vision of what was possible even when some bystanders choose to judge you for seeking help and others choose to turn a blind eye or walk away and give up.

She took our son into her 3's classroom even after he "shattered a playhouse into hundreds of pieces" and then brought him back into her 3's classroom as a peer when his 4's classroom teachers "thought he was a behavior" problem. Not only did he shine in her class, he became a role model for the younger children.  I am forever grateful for the unconditional love this person showed me and my son(s). She helped me create my tribe of “SME’s” that became my village of advocates, helping me find my voice and teaching me how to be the advocate I am today.  I hope to be half as impactful on others journey as this person has been on mine. 

During our side conversation, she stated that “every child is special and unique in their own way and should never be cast aside for any reason.  My son captured her heart that first moment, from flying castles to Lightening McQueen.” She took the challenges set before her and allowed us in - we allowed one another in – working in tandem to help him thrive and grow.  She will always have a special place in our hearts and she will forever be a part of our journey2bloom.  

When you or someone you know is ready to allow me entry into the journey, I will be here with an unconditionally open mind, open heart and ready to help guide you forward.

#journey2bloom

#inspireresilience

#ittakesavillage

#movingmountains

Find out more about how I can help here -> https://journey2bloom.wixsite.com/mysite

Learn to Appreciate and Trust Yourself

Lean into your perfect imperfections and allow it to lead you to places you never dreamt possible!  When you begin to appreciate and trust your true self, you begin to love that true self and from there the doors open because you are ready to receive what the universe has in store for you!  

10 years after I began my journey2bloom and two years after creating my LLC, I finally launched my website journey2bloom. As I took time to reflect on this journey, celebrate the gratitude I have for every single person in my village - the tribe that helped me along the way - thought about why it took me so long to make it "official". The honest truth - I was afraid I wouldn't live up to the person everyone in this village thinks of me to be through their eyes. I was yet to see myself half the way that others saw me.

In short - I wasn't ready to trust myself enough to share my experiences with the world and allow my journey to truly become another person’s survival guide. Going live with the website, solidified that I had finally learned to appreciate and trust myself enough to allow others to trust me with their most intimate of fears, insecurities, and circumstances as it relates to something so personal, their children!

Looking back, I recognize that by not sharing the ups and downs and lessons learned on this road less traveled I was denying others the opportunity to know they are NOT ALONE. I came to my senses by realizing my vulnerabilities could give others the strength and resilience to continue advocating for their child. I mean helping one person may not change the world, yet it could very well change the world for one person. So, from here forward I vow to worry less and take inspired action more because I would rather go forward helping one person than stand still and help no one. I suppose you could say that learning to appreciate and trust myself is leading to inspired action.

I spent the better part of my life helping others help themselves and forgetting to help myself in the process. I doubled down on this after becoming a mom and made it my mission to ensure my kids were provided with all of the opportunity afforded to them as innocent children in a world filled with unconscious bias, judgement and unnecessary pressure to "be normal" and fit in. I know all too well what it's like to be told your child won't ever go to a normal school or that your child is a kid with so many issues that the teacher doesn't want them in their classroom because they don't know how to work with him. I know what it feels like to be lost and like you are the only one in the world dealing with these issues and there are no answers to be given because there is nothing that can "fix" or help the situation you are living. I know what it feels like to have others conclude something about your child's behavior without any facts or data to back up the accusations. I know how it feels to not get answers and feel lost in verbiage and acronyms that make no sense, feeling like there is no way to help your child and yet no way out of maze you are trying to navigate.

I also know how it feels to have someone step up to the plate and go to bat for your child, telling you how special they are and that they see how hard you are working to give them the best life possible. I know how it feels to actually witness the difference in your child's behavior and progress based on who is working with him and the attitude in which they choose to take toward your child no matter how he behaves. I have seen first-hand the different actions and reactions that drove to meltdowns or led to breakthroughs. Ultimately, I have lived a nightmare and didn't let it break me - instead I used it to fuel my desire to inspire resilience and in turn it propelled me into this journey2bloom.

Ultimately, I know how it feels to be supported by SME's who are unconditionally invested in helping you help your child no matter the cost. When I recognized it was time to advocate for my second son, the first people I called were those who had been there for me the first time around - my village - my tribe. They once again lifted me up and inspired resilience in me when I thought I had no fuel left in the tank.  Through their unwavering support I found energy, I found hope and I found my voice to forge on in the quest - this time to give my second son the same opportunity as my first. There is so much to cover, and yet today, I will share the things I wish I knew sooner:

• It doesn't make me weak to ask for help
• I don't have to change myself for other people
• It is utterly impossible to please everyone
• It is ok to cut off friends that haven't earned a spot in my life
• I am harder on myself than I need to be
• My worth isn't found in the opinion of others

I wish I had known all of the above so many years ago and yet I didn't. What I do know is that it is never too late to recognize that all of these statements are true. Allowing myself to let go of the guilt I felt for the years wasted not knowing these to be true and shifting my focus to celebrate what I know as fact now were key influencers in my decision to finally launch my website. This is significant for many reasons, most importantly because starting today I get to do what I love and help others in return. Every decision we make begins with a choice. I choose to focus on what I can control allowing me to step into a role that fully aligns with my purpose and passion - creating an environment for parents to find their voice and opportunities for the type relationships I had the privilege of creating to bloom.

For those that read this, thank you! For those who know someone who may benefit from reading this, please share! Paying it forward is so important because going through this journey is More Than Any One Person Can Handle Alone!

#journey2bloom

#inspireresilience

#ittakesavillage

#movingmountains

Find out more about how I can help here -> https://journey2bloom.wixsite.com/mysite

Gratitude, Forgiveness and Vulnerability

My heart is full of gratitude for everyone in the front lines – from the Dr’s and nurses to teachers, firefighters and grocery store clerks – every single person who is considered an essential employee! From the perspective of physical and mental well-being I worry for every human.

My mind wonders from topic to topic as I type this post and yet, it keeps coming back to the long-term impact on our kiddos. I love to give hugs and so the inability to give and receive a hug is certainly weighing on me, yet as an adult, I can come to terms with the fact that this is a necessary step toward getting through this pandemic and back to some sort of normalcy, each part of the world having varying definitions of normalcy. Kids, at all ages, are struggling to put the pieces together and wrap their heads around what is happening. 

When I started to ponder the levels of impact to our kiddos, I thought perhaps the physical aspect may very well be the most impacted. As I typed those words though, my brain said hold on a minute! The emotional toll may far outweigh the physical one.  Even though all human beings are impacted by this shutdown, including my family, the long-term effects on our younger generation won’t truly come to light for years to come. 

We, as a people, are missing friends and co-workers, and I know it is taking a toll on our mental health. We are living it with our own kiddos. Our youngest has high anxiety and learning difficulties. This switch to distance learning and “social distancing” has really thrown him for a loop as he struggles with not being in the classroom, the inconsistency of “distance learning”, no sports nor other extra-curricular activities provided during after school and on the weekends. Our older son is adjusting better than I expected, but misses his friends, teammates, teachers and coaches too.

The lack of physical exercise and social interaction is enough to put anyone on edge. As adults, we are doing our best to deal with and juggle all of this change, while showing up for our kiddos every day while adding to our roles – educator and coach. We didn’t see this coming, asked for it nor could we have proactively prepared to handle the reality of it all.

How we get through this, as an individual, family, society revolves around the choices we make now and far into the future.  We can choose to rise to the challenge – Inspiring Resilience in our kiddos – lean in on those around us who know more than we do for guidance and support – allowing ourselves to be vulnerable – asking for help - or let fear and scarcity overwhelm us – crumbling in the midst of chaos. Kudos to those that noticed I didn’t bold that last part about crumbling. Why would I intentionally not bold this statement? Great question! It is in italics instead of bold letters because before this pandemic, many people were already living through a lens of fear and scarcity.

Like it or not – while no one was prepared to handle what has come to be our daily reality, some people were seeing the world through a mindful lens – where everything is an opportunity and the understanding that many times less is more. While those living in abundance may have been more mentally prepared to handle what is happening now, even their world has been turned upside down. Every one of is feeling some impact from this pandemic.  We can either bond together, lifting one another up, or decide each to their own and let the cards fall where they may.  I choose the former.  What do you choose and why?

first posted in May 2020

During the coming weeks and months, how we show up, internally and externally will undoubtedly impact how our kids move through adversity, see the world and themselves in trying times. As a parent, wife, friend, advocate, mindset coach/homeschooling teacher (not be choice) I know first hand the importance of the words I write above, yet truth be told, there are days that it is just so damn hard to show up as my best self!  Yes, I too have my days. I must take extra time each morning to set my intentions for the day, to visualize how I will show up each day. Why? Because I consciously need to make time for myself to ensure I am actually executing the way that uses my energy wisely and leads others through each day. Every action and reaction I have impacts my kids, now more than ever.

No doubt some of you reading this may be thinking, yeah easier said than done!  I never said it was easy! Good habits are hard to build and bad one’s are hard to break. The cycle of negative thinking must be broken for the behavior to change toward positive empowering thoughts, and yet when it does start to shift, man does it feel great! 

Forgiveness is key yet something really hard to do!  Before we can forgive ourselves for what we can’t control, we have to recognize and acknowledge that we are putting undue pressure on ourselves.  I challenge all of you to give yourself space each day to reflect on how you are feeling and how it may be impacting those around you.  As you start to recognize these behaviors, allow yourself some wiggle room when things don’t go as planned.  Perhaps your kiddo didn’t get to one of his/her many homework assignments, maybe you didn’t get to the laundry that has been piling up.  Whatever it is, ask yourself – does this have a significant impact on our lives?  If not, then begin to build habits that allow you to let go of the things that don’t matter so much, allowing the space and energy to focus on what matters most over time –> self-care, self-image and self-worth! 

Our kids need us now more than ever, so surround yourself with others that lift you up, listen when you need an ear and speak the truth, with all the love in their heart!  Allow space for forgiveness and vulnerability in your life and ask for help when you need it!

Thank you following this #journey2bloom

And Away We Go

The premise behind the launch of this website, re-branded blog and creating Bloom, LLC started over 40 years ago perched on a branch, high above the grass below, looking out over the neighborhood. Daydreaming about one day truly being my best self, living my truth and knowing it is not just ok but beautiful to be different, to be me! So here we are - 42 years after the thoughts of being different, not fitting in, why me, why not me - I am finally at my best, seeing clearly, know my true self and grounded in good intentions driven by love and a servant leadership mentality. At my core, I am about helping other help themselves be their best. Most of my life - as far back as I can remember - I heard "you are too nice" "you care too much" "you do too much for others" "people walk all over you" "why would you do that for someone" and the quotes go on and on. Funny enough, those that asked me that the most were the one's who are still to this day struggling with who they are as people, uncomfortable in their own skin, some possibly even feeling broken inside - yet outwardly look like they love life, are confident and established, full of life and rich in monetary gain and rewards to prove it.

Me - well I am happy - damn even proud to say - I love myself - perfect imperfections and all! At 47 years old, I know that I am enough! Any monetary reward, recognition, compliment, any person who loves me (even my family) is a nice to have - a want if you will - and not a need! This may sound harsh to some, yet to me it means everything. It has taken me all this time to realize I am enough - Loving myself is enough - Being myself is enough - In fact it is everything I need to live my best life, live my truth and love my life. For all of you saying wow, well what about your friends, family, children and perhaps those that "love me from afar" for one reason or another - admiration, inspiration, hope or otherwise - Don't worry I am grateful, humbled and thankful to have each and every one of you in my life. My point is that "And Away We Go" would not be coming together if that final missing piece of the puzzle hadn't appeared through visualization and a light-bulb moment that brought it into focus.

I sincerely thank each and every person that has touched my life for the puzzle pieces that make up my reality, that helped me create this life where I can be my best, do my best and love myself at my best.

Why is Loving myself so important? Well for most of my life I was so busy trying to "fix others" by loving them so much that I lost sight of how important it is to love yourself! For so long I hid behind serving others because it was a great way to hide how I was really feeling inside. If I could just fix someone else and make their life better, it would make mine better - I mean of course it had to be that way..........why else would I feel so good when I helped others succeed.

Well duh, it doesn't work that way! In fact it does quite the opposite and took a huge toll on the person I was always meant to be - the person I felt in my heart and soul yet my mind and body couldn't connect the dots and so for most of my life I felt like an impostor. The more I poured my heart and soul into helping others, first family and friends, then spouse and kids, then co-workers and clients - hell even offered out pro-bono work thinking that it would be a quid-pro-quo.

Let's talk about how the Quid-pro-quo helped with the puzzle coming into focus. I suspect you can imagine that I never got the reciprocity I had anticipated! You guessed right! Yeah, that slap in the face was a hell of a wake up call. Out of respect for the parent and child, no detailed events will be written here. After numerous hours were spent reviewing documents and attending school meetings with the mother of my son's friend - simply because she was a parent in need of help articulating their expectations and building the foundation to truly give their child everything they needed to align with their Special Education needs along with a twice exceptional diagnosis - When I needed support where her expertise would have been the best solution - she told me she couldn't be of help.

To this day, I am not sure why she was so comfortable just saying sorry, can't help you out, but what I do know is that my heart is thankful that she did it! Not because she said no when I needed her help, but because she said no and it finally registered that No One is going to go out on a limb like I do for people. It showed me that while my greatest gift is giving, it can also be my own worst enemy. So from that day on I began to see how serving others also needs to be in alignment with serving myself.

High above the ground - sitting on a branch overlooking my neighborhood - the first seed to this Journey2Bloom was planted.

Wrapped up in a year

I found this one sitting in my drafts and thought I would dust it off and share.  Enjoy.............

Over a year has passed since I posted, but that doesn't mean there hasn't been a lot to write about. Somehow as we get older the days get seem to get shorter and shorter. I suppose I should have listened to the quote I often heard growing up: the older you get the faster the days seem to come and go.

My oldest now in 2nd and youngest in Pre-K. Both of my children now have IEPs for very different areas of concern. 💞

Getting the 2nd one into the RECC program was not so easy. After a lot of back and forth and a bit of luck, we transitioned our youngest out of general preschool and into the RECC program.  If it were up to the tests and the standard system, we would never have gotten into the RECC program.  The first year in RECC was fantastic. Not only did our 3 year old grow tremendously in numerous developmental delayed areas, during the year I was asked back 2 times to revise his IEP and asked if it was ok to add services.  In the 3 previous years of dealing with IEP meetings for my oldest son, I never once had the school ask me if it was ok to add services. In fact, I had to fight tooth and nail for every service my oldest obtained from age 2.5 to present.  I felt extremely blessed to be asked if it was "ok" to add additional services that would ultimately assist my youngest in being a well rounded, happy socially accepted  and successful student,  During the first year of RECC with my youngest, he went from barely understandable and constant tantrums to partially understandable and seemingly on the track to happiness.

Fast forward 6 months.  Now half way through his Pre-K year, and thanks to the Speech, OT and PT specialists he is well on his way to being ready for Kindergarten.  A little kid who went from being introverted and unsure of every word, step and move he made to a kid who would tell you what he wanted, walk up stairs like he had been doing it for years and climb and slide like it was a piece of cake - making me think - who is this kid and how did I get so lucky.  Then reality hit once again - academically he wasn’t getting what he needed to set him up for kindergarten success The areas he was growing in, slowly but surely was based on hard work, consistency, collaboration, determination and once again a dream team of specialist surrounding me.  

Many nights I find myself wondering why I got so lucky to have such an amazing support system around me. Why was I surrounded by people, old and new that felt it necessary to take my kids under their wing, spend time with me to help me truly understand what it is I am dealing with, no matter how different each child's situation and still to this day are my foundation, my rock, my support, my kids advocates and my path forward.  Then it hits me - or someone reminds me - I’m not lucky I’m a survivor, a concerned mother determined to collaborate with, listen to, and yes, sometimes push forward the team of educators supporting, guiding, encouraging and sometimes underestimating my children. 

For those that read this, thank you! For those that know someone who may benefit from reading this, please share!  Paying it forward is so important because going through this journey is More Than Any One Person Can Handle Alone!

#Bloom
#Ittakesavillage

#Movingmountains

More Than Any One Person Can Handle

Head is spinning and unsure of what to do first.  I know that one thing at a time and 1% better daily with any consistency and/or progress is all I need to continue moving forward on this long, windy and yes sometimes almost unbearable journey toward ensuring my boys live the best possible life @ their full potential.  

Pushed, Pulled, Knocked Down, Get Back Up. Scream, Cry, Laugh, Breathe, Do it ALL Over Again.

Lean in on my tribe but sometimes unsure what to say or how much to share. It is hard to explain what is happening when the other person has never lived through or watched someone they love live through these situations and so, by default, are unaware of what they don't know. I can't blame them for not knowing what they don't know or trying to offer advice, when done so with the best of intentions.  

People often share their stories, each impactful in their own way.  After all of these years I now know that sometimes an ear or a hug is all I really want or need to keep moving ahead.  Those closest to me understand that to be the case and are able to "lean in and pull back" as the journey continues on.  

Hearing your child say they are "stupid" because everything is just so hard, or they can't remember something or they hit/scratched or bit out of impulse or inability to share their emotions verbally is excruciatingly heart breaking.  Not to mention it leaves you feeling paralyzed and broken knowing you can't fix or shelter them from this reality that swirls through their thoughts, their brain and then body.  

So now what?  how do you deal with all of the ups and downs?  Move forward with a smile, stay grounded and focused on the min-steps "wins" forward.  Here's how:
You celebrate every single thing, no matter how small (could be 1 day without screaming, hell even 1 hour without screaming OR a day of laughter and no mention of feeling stupid). Intentionally focus on what is going right, on the support you have around you, the progress you are making as a family and your child as an individual.  Intentionally make a conscious decision not to allow setbacks to deter you or worst yet, create a landslide backwards.  

I often say it Takes A Village - What I don't often say is what they do for my mental, physical and emotional state - many if not most times those closest to me are there to hold me up, give me a hug, an ear to listen to without responding -> No Judgement -> no Attachment -> just their time and unconditional friendship allowing me to offload and trying so hard to understand and empathize and most importantly letting me know they are there regardless of if they can relate.  If they can, we share stories and if they can't they remind me of how far we have come, how hard we have worked and how many wins we have to celebrate.  

Every Journey is different - we all adjust, adapt, respond differently to any given situation, so to think, or worse, expect others to truly understand your journey is pretty damn unrealistic. 

We all learned early in life never to assume(makes an ass out of you and me) so DON'T do it!

We are also taught early on to be brave, independent - not to ask for help - instead just figure it out because asking for help is a sign of weakness.   I am here to call BULLSHIT on all of that - Asking for guidance and support is a sign of STRENGTH.  Being self aware and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to seek support from experts that know what you don't know is a sign of STRENGTH.  

If I had followed the words of "wisdom" and pressure from some of my own family members to figure it out, neither of my children would be where they are today. In fact neither would I!  

Reality is - dealing with any complex situation is more than any One person can handle!

So what do you do with all of this?  My POV, for whatever it is worth -> Be Vulnerable, Self-Reflective and allow yourself to ask, or scream for HELP!  Better yet, give yourself permission and space to lean in on your village before you spiral. WHY you ask?  Because until you are your best self, you can't be good to you or others that count on you to guide, support and hold them up when they need it most.  HOW do you do this?  Great question - It requires daily work mentally, emotionally, socially and physically and a glass of Vino can't hurt 💙💚 After all they say it is good for your heart so who am I to argue with science?

Feeling overwhelmed? Like you are frozen in time and unable to clear your mind enough to even take a first step forward? I get it, been there and often end up back there but now, after many years of self reflection and mindful work, I can get myself unfrozen and focused on moving forward.  


By now, well if you read this far, you are likely asking yourself NOW WHAT?  WHAT does this look like for me?  WHERE do I even begin?  Tell ME What To DO! 

The bad news is I can't tell you what to do AND yet the good news is I can continue to share my journey and how I chip away at the mountain one tiny section at a time, knowing that this is a long journey and not a trip to the corner store!

It comes in many forms and only you will know what is best for your family.  I can tell you it is an emotional roller coaster and takes a lot of patience, willingness to get back up every time you get knocked down by fear, frustration, an intervention or a medicine that didn't help the way you thought it would.  It takes a lot of research, and resilience and a tribe of people around you, most importantly experts in specific fields that you are not and others who are experts in unconditional love.  

WHY Unconditional Love? From my personal experience I realized early on that going with my gut and not listening to others opinions of what to do or how to handle any of the many different situations that reared their ugly and confusing heads through our journey was key to my SANITY!  Opening up to people, even family members that had their OPINION on what I should be doing only caused more stress and anxiety which didn't help me, or our son at all.  In fact, given that anxiety affects both of my boys moods and reactions, it was detrimental to our boys unique situations.  It caused a lot of confusion, resentment, frustration, fighting and I even let go of some friendships (looking back they weren't people I wanted in my TRUSTED circle anyway) so it ended up as it was meant to be.  The hardest thing I had to do SO FAR - over the last 11 years - is distance myself from members of my own Family.  

Yes you read that right - I spent months and in some cases years not speaking with family members who though they new best, refused to seek to understand why we would reach out to experts - in the areas we knew little to nothing about - for help on what could have been the underlying triggers causing poor behavior, emotional meltdowns, inability to interact socially like the other "typically developing" kids and the list goes on and on.  The silver lining here is, with my second child, who has a very different set of learning, cognitive, executive functioning and impulsive issues, those family members chose to research, ask questions and truly seek to understand the situation we were dealing with and the outcome has been fantastic.  

For parents who are very "set in their way" it means the world to me that they are truly engaged and open-minded with our second son's situation. It is amazing the difference between the fights and negative responses I would hear about our oldest son - things like WHY would you go see a Psychiatrist to help sort out what is going on, WHO needs a behaviorist to help create behavior change and teach right from wrong?  Just parent and he will just outgrow it.  😏 If Only it was that simple!  What they came to find out was that all of the time, money and effort aligning with our village of specialists - enabled our oldest to fill in his missing "pieces" and get him to where he is  today - in middle school, GT Classes, and on his way to a Straight A quarter!  Based on their observations of what we invested into our oldest, they now believe what we are doing to help our youngest be his best possible self is the right path.  

I shared the above paragraph to show you that even if there are non-believers in your life that you are holding out hope on becoming supporters, they too may one day come full circle - admitting that the road less traveled, the one YOU were willing to take, afforded your child the space to learn and grow into his/her best self.

For those that read this, thank you! For those that know someone who may benefit from reading this, please share!  Paying it forward is so important because going through this journey is More Than Any One Person Can Handle Alone!

#Bloom
#Ittakesavillage