Friday was a particularly interested day for us. It has been quite some time since our older son woke up over-stimulated. Our behaviorist thought it was because he had a friend coming over for a play date and was excited. Typically I would have agreed with that thought, but not on this day. Not on this day b/c he didn’t mention his little friend one time until I picked him up from school and reminded him that she was coming over to play.
This day was just one of those days you can’t plan for or predict. He came into my room around 5:30am asking to lay with me and for me to “squeeze him tight” which was my first indication that he needed to calm his little body and self regulate. He said, “Thank you mommy, squeeze me harder mommy.” For some reason he wasn’t able to do it on his own on this day. About an hour later he asked me to spin him around and “flop” him onto the bed. The spinning and flopping helps to trigger a calming mechanism in his little brain so after 10 spins and flops he felt a little better. Once we got to school and he saw all of his friends, teachers and everything in the classroom, the overstimulation kicked in once again. This continued off and on throughout the entire school day.
When I picked him up from Pre-K, as he was walking out to meet me, his teacher told me what they had been working on with him throughout the week. He has a habit of “fixating” on one friend or object for fear that this person or object won’t come back to him or won’t be available for him to play with when he is finished doing his “non preferred” task. We are really working really hard to teach him that this isn’t the case. Instead we are trying to get him to understand that the more he shares and plays with other kids the more fun he will have in the long run.
This may sound simple to most of you reading this blog yet for someone with self regulation, overstimulation, social-emotional delay, as well as speech and language integration delay it is quite a hard concept to grasp. If you saw my son for a moment, a few hours or sometimes even a few days you would think I was making up most of what I blog about weekly. Yet, if you spent days or weeks with us or even catch him on an off day, you would eventually have an “AhHa” moment and realize what I am saying is in fact true. Then and only then would you have a glimpse into his life and the life we lead every day.
The hardest part of dealing with all of this is that “the only thing predictable in our day to day life is that every moment of every day is actually unpredictable.” I use that saying a lot to explain what we deal with, especially to those that have never seen this side of him or those that have seen it, yet think he is just being a kid with an “off moment or afternoon”.
Don’t get me wrong - all in all, we are doing great. There are days that I think, “why me” but those “why me” moments quickly turn into “why him” moments. He doesn’t deserve to have to deal with working so hard to fit in, yet those are the cards that life has dealt him and so instead of feeling sorry for me and him, I chose to do the exact opposite. I chose to surround myself with the top teachers, professionals and best support system possible in order to teach him and our family ways to help him cope with these moments in order to allow him to live a “normal” life.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Becoming vulnerable
I continue to be reminded of what a small world we live in. Thursday I was on a call with a mom of one of my sons classmates and found out that she is a close friend of some of the people I owe a lot of my son’s early intervention success to over the last 2 years. I once again felt a sense of happiness and pride in knowing that I have surrounded myself with an amazing “village of people” to assist me with our road less traveled. As of our conversation went on I realized that she too had come across struggles as she fought to get services for her son. Having to fight for the help that we are actually supposed to be offered from the state and the district seems to be a common theme for so many that I have come in contact with over the last year. It saddens me that there is so much red tape surrounding the success of our children, the very people that we are trying to groom to accomplish bigger and better goals than were set for us.
I went to a Department of Pupil Services – Special Education meeting. During the meeting the group outlined the special education programs, goals for the 2011-2012 year, the entire process from pre-k though HS graduation, costs involved in funding these programs as well as all of the training they put into educating not only the General Education Teachers but the special education teachers and instructional aides. I feel very lucky to be a part of this district. Walking out of this meeting I was 100% convinced that my child is being given the best program possible to fit his needs and help him accomplish and even potentially surpass his IEP goals. I am now confident that it is not just the educators and professionals that touch his life on a daily basis, but also those leading the fight that have his best interest at heart as well. I had the opportunity to meet the Director of Pupil Services. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that she not only knew who my child was, she knew when he started with the school districts pre-school program and things that he is working on in class and with his IEP.
Unless we open ourselves up to the possibilities and opportunities around us, let ourselves be vulnerable enough to ask for help, and begin to see the truth as others see it around us, we have no chance of total peace and tranquility in our lives.
I went to a Department of Pupil Services – Special Education meeting. During the meeting the group outlined the special education programs, goals for the 2011-2012 year, the entire process from pre-k though HS graduation, costs involved in funding these programs as well as all of the training they put into educating not only the General Education Teachers but the special education teachers and instructional aides. I feel very lucky to be a part of this district. Walking out of this meeting I was 100% convinced that my child is being given the best program possible to fit his needs and help him accomplish and even potentially surpass his IEP goals. I am now confident that it is not just the educators and professionals that touch his life on a daily basis, but also those leading the fight that have his best interest at heart as well. I had the opportunity to meet the Director of Pupil Services. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that she not only knew who my child was, she knew when he started with the school districts pre-school program and things that he is working on in class and with his IEP.
Unless we open ourselves up to the possibilities and opportunities around us, let ourselves be vulnerable enough to ask for help, and begin to see the truth as others see it around us, we have no chance of total peace and tranquility in our lives.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Brick by Brick and Stone by Stone
Regardless of whether or not we want time to stand still, it doesn’t. Time controls us, we don’t control it. Life controls us, we don’t control it. Actions control us, we don’t control actions. The weather controls us, we don’t control the weather. Our mood controls us, we don’t control our mood.
Is the glass half full or half empty? Does the rainbow appear after the rain, or does the rain have nothing to do with a rainbow after all? Where there is a will, is there really a way. Is it really mind over matter? Do we really control our own destiny or are we born pre-destined to do certain things? Does the human mind really have the ability to alter the outcome of one’s life?
I know this seems to be a blog of random thoughts and those of you reading may have no idea where I am going with this one. Let me explain. All of the random thoughts above are one’s that often go through my mind. I find myself quite often wondering if we really have control over our lives, who we encounter during our time on earth, how we deal with situations thrown our way and if what we do on earth has any bearing on the things that happen to us during our life time.
After everything I have been through in my life, both good and bad, I have come to the conclusion that there is one word that answers all of the things I randomly wrote about above. The answer is YES. One way or another, in some situation the answer to all of the above is yes. I will never understand why so many obstacles have been thrown my way. To this very question - the answer I get from many is, “because you can handle it”
Although this may be true - I think even those who have the strongest will to help others and the ability to find a way to deal with whatever life throws at them, every person deserves a break at some point. Everyone deserves time to just be able to sit back, smell the roses and enjoy their life. I know I say that I deserve this too – that I want to have that peace and tranquility - but then I think again and say to myself,” now what would someone like me (A type personality, always needing to help solve problems) do with peace and tranquility.” The answer is I don’t know. Even when I am on “vacation” my mind is all over the place thinking of what I need to do next, how I can help my oldest son have a great life and what am I going to need to do in order to help my younger son have a great life as well.
Last week I sat and talked to a behavior interventionist about where we were with my oldest son at age 2 and where we are now at age 4.75. She sat there smiling and shaking her head as I lit up discussing all of the obstacles he has overcome and how, in just the last 2 months, he has really begun to “grown into himself”. I shared how great he is as a big brother, sharing, comforting and just playing with his little brother. Talking about how he finds such a sense of pride in being a big brother and how it has brought so much confidence out in him.
We talked about the areas he still needs some help “training his brain” and what he will be able to accomplish once this takes place. My little 4.75 year old has to deal with more on a daily basis than I ever wish on anyone. Every day he has to think harder, try harder and do more just to be a “typical” child. Every time I speak with a professional about how he used to act and who he has become, a sense of pride takes over for a brief moment and then quickly fades away. Although it fades into a memory, it brings me more strength and helps me stay focused on knowing that it is one day at a time and reminds me that I should take the time to celebrate the small accomplishments.
It takes a village to build a strong foundation that can carry one through their lifetime. If you start out with cracks in that foundation, sometimes you can patch up the walls but other times no matter how hard you try to patch the cracks, the holes open back up and the building collapses. Yet if you take the time to tear down the cracked foundation and rebuild it one brick or one stone at a time, what you may find is a strong, sturdy building that can last a lifetime. I think of what we have done for our son and what we continue to do as laying a solid foundation that will outlast any obstacle thrown our way. Life often throws you a curveball and it is what you decide to do with that curveball that makes the difference. Every day you have a choice to live your life one way or another. You can choose to ask for help or stay quiet. You can choose to blame others or look in the mirror and take ownership. You can choose to sulk, thinking of the cards you were dealt or do something to make your life and the lives around you better. I make the choice every day to do just that – I know that if I don’t choose to wake up, put a smile on my face and make the best of each day that not only am I letting myself down but I am also letting my kids and husband down. Putting myself first is not something that comes easy to me, yet I know that doing everything I can to be the best me will always be enough to help my kids be the best they can be.
I know this seems to be a blog of random thoughts and those of you reading may have no idea where I am going with this one. Let me explain. All of the random thoughts above are one’s that often go through my mind. I find myself quite often wondering if we really have control over our lives, who we encounter during our time on earth, how we deal with situations thrown our way and if what we do on earth has any bearing on the things that happen to us during our life time.
After everything I have been through in my life, both good and bad, I have come to the conclusion that there is one word that answers all of the things I randomly wrote about above. The answer is YES. One way or another, in some situation the answer to all of the above is yes. I will never understand why so many obstacles have been thrown my way. To this very question - the answer I get from many is, “because you can handle it”
Although this may be true - I think even those who have the strongest will to help others and the ability to find a way to deal with whatever life throws at them, every person deserves a break at some point. Everyone deserves time to just be able to sit back, smell the roses and enjoy their life. I know I say that I deserve this too – that I want to have that peace and tranquility - but then I think again and say to myself,” now what would someone like me (A type personality, always needing to help solve problems) do with peace and tranquility.” The answer is I don’t know. Even when I am on “vacation” my mind is all over the place thinking of what I need to do next, how I can help my oldest son have a great life and what am I going to need to do in order to help my younger son have a great life as well.
Last week I sat and talked to a behavior interventionist about where we were with my oldest son at age 2 and where we are now at age 4.75. She sat there smiling and shaking her head as I lit up discussing all of the obstacles he has overcome and how, in just the last 2 months, he has really begun to “grown into himself”. I shared how great he is as a big brother, sharing, comforting and just playing with his little brother. Talking about how he finds such a sense of pride in being a big brother and how it has brought so much confidence out in him.
We talked about the areas he still needs some help “training his brain” and what he will be able to accomplish once this takes place. My little 4.75 year old has to deal with more on a daily basis than I ever wish on anyone. Every day he has to think harder, try harder and do more just to be a “typical” child. Every time I speak with a professional about how he used to act and who he has become, a sense of pride takes over for a brief moment and then quickly fades away. Although it fades into a memory, it brings me more strength and helps me stay focused on knowing that it is one day at a time and reminds me that I should take the time to celebrate the small accomplishments.
It takes a village to build a strong foundation that can carry one through their lifetime. If you start out with cracks in that foundation, sometimes you can patch up the walls but other times no matter how hard you try to patch the cracks, the holes open back up and the building collapses. Yet if you take the time to tear down the cracked foundation and rebuild it one brick or one stone at a time, what you may find is a strong, sturdy building that can last a lifetime. I think of what we have done for our son and what we continue to do as laying a solid foundation that will outlast any obstacle thrown our way. Life often throws you a curveball and it is what you decide to do with that curveball that makes the difference. Every day you have a choice to live your life one way or another. You can choose to ask for help or stay quiet. You can choose to blame others or look in the mirror and take ownership. You can choose to sulk, thinking of the cards you were dealt or do something to make your life and the lives around you better. I make the choice every day to do just that – I know that if I don’t choose to wake up, put a smile on my face and make the best of each day that not only am I letting myself down but I am also letting my kids and husband down. Putting myself first is not something that comes easy to me, yet I know that doing everything I can to be the best me will always be enough to help my kids be the best they can be.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Early Intervention of another kind
In the last few weeks, the USA Gymnastics community has gone through a lot of turmoil. I would blog about the details although most of you following this post would not know anyone I post about so I will keep this quite general. I will say that several people I have known since I was quite young came forward about being sexually abused by the coaches that they trusted, looked up to and respected. Many people have been able to close a terrible chapter in their lives by exposing this and it has led to several coaches being fired and numerous investigations about the facts of these cases. I chose to write about this topic because although not directly related to my son, indirectly it is because I also respected some of these coaches and am still friends with some of the victims.
In this case, early intervention may have come in the form of one of these gymnasts parent's having been able to notice "something off", having the courage to ask their child about it and in turn giving that child the courage to say something many years ago. In any case, early intervention don't come soon enough and because of this it takes many, many years, if not forever to fix what took place.
I think about all of my years as a gymnast, the many ups and downs, the numerous conversations I tried to have with my parents about things I didn't like, wanted to change, was unhappy about etc. For some reason, maybe because they weren't living it, didn't see it my way and thought what I was doing was exactly what I wanted to be doing. They chose to ignore my unhappiness at times. I guess as I look back on it they may have thought I was just having a bad day and didn't mean what I was saying or feeling. The sad thing is that when I had those issues, if someone would have actually believed me, I know that things would have been a little easier for me during my childhood years. The years that help to mold you into the adult one becomes later in life. In a nutshell, the lack of early intervention that went on in my life growing up has led me to be the advocate I am for my son and the the person I am today.
The more that unfolds about the scandals that have taken place within the gymnastics community the more I realize we each had to deal with our own things from those years. I also realize that each of us walked away with very different memories, both good and bad. Some of us ended up walking away stronger and more corageous, find a way to intertwine it into our lives to be able to stand up for ourselves and fight for right and wrong and others were so beaten down by it that it has taken many, many years to get to a point where they can once again "love themselves" and trust others.
For me, all of the injuries, ups and downs and the never having a chance to compete for a chance at a spot on the 88 team took me about 6 years to get over. During that time I felt quite lost, knew what I didn't want to do with my life but had no idea what I wanted to do which put me in a state of limbo. Once again I found myself "against my parents" for the simple fact that they couldn't understand I was unable to put into words what I was feeling. During that time I had no words to describe it other than I felt "lost and without purpose" I knew that they wouldn't understand and the more I tried to talk to them the worse I felt about it all.
After completing college, taking on my first real job in a brand new state and finding myself in yet another "non healthy" relationship, I realized that I could either choose to make my life better or continue on this downward spiral. I decided to take the road less traveled. The one that helped me figure out a way to become a better, stronger, more determined person. A person that knows success comes with failure and learns from each obstacle along the way.
After all these years, I know that so many of those in my "gymnastics family" have helped me figure out what it is that I want out of life. They also taught me how to push through the pain, heartache and bad times. I now know that if you, keep your head up, take what is said to you with a grain of salt and stay focused on your goals - life will go on no matter the outcome.
In this case, early intervention may have come in the form of one of these gymnasts parent's having been able to notice "something off", having the courage to ask their child about it and in turn giving that child the courage to say something many years ago. In any case, early intervention don't come soon enough and because of this it takes many, many years, if not forever to fix what took place.
I think about all of my years as a gymnast, the many ups and downs, the numerous conversations I tried to have with my parents about things I didn't like, wanted to change, was unhappy about etc. For some reason, maybe because they weren't living it, didn't see it my way and thought what I was doing was exactly what I wanted to be doing. They chose to ignore my unhappiness at times. I guess as I look back on it they may have thought I was just having a bad day and didn't mean what I was saying or feeling. The sad thing is that when I had those issues, if someone would have actually believed me, I know that things would have been a little easier for me during my childhood years. The years that help to mold you into the adult one becomes later in life. In a nutshell, the lack of early intervention that went on in my life growing up has led me to be the advocate I am for my son and the the person I am today.
The more that unfolds about the scandals that have taken place within the gymnastics community the more I realize we each had to deal with our own things from those years. I also realize that each of us walked away with very different memories, both good and bad. Some of us ended up walking away stronger and more corageous, find a way to intertwine it into our lives to be able to stand up for ourselves and fight for right and wrong and others were so beaten down by it that it has taken many, many years to get to a point where they can once again "love themselves" and trust others.
For me, all of the injuries, ups and downs and the never having a chance to compete for a chance at a spot on the 88 team took me about 6 years to get over. During that time I felt quite lost, knew what I didn't want to do with my life but had no idea what I wanted to do which put me in a state of limbo. Once again I found myself "against my parents" for the simple fact that they couldn't understand I was unable to put into words what I was feeling. During that time I had no words to describe it other than I felt "lost and without purpose" I knew that they wouldn't understand and the more I tried to talk to them the worse I felt about it all.
After completing college, taking on my first real job in a brand new state and finding myself in yet another "non healthy" relationship, I realized that I could either choose to make my life better or continue on this downward spiral. I decided to take the road less traveled. The one that helped me figure out a way to become a better, stronger, more determined person. A person that knows success comes with failure and learns from each obstacle along the way.
After all these years, I know that so many of those in my "gymnastics family" have helped me figure out what it is that I want out of life. They also taught me how to push through the pain, heartache and bad times. I now know that if you, keep your head up, take what is said to you with a grain of salt and stay focused on your goals - life will go on no matter the outcome.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The good the bad and the ugly
After I posted all of the milestones and breakthroughs we had with our son over the last few months, we went through this past week of "the good the bad and the ugly". I know that he is just a little boy and boys will be boys. Some of what occurred this past week is just par for the course with a young child. Other things were more about him taking 3 steps forward and then 2 steps backward. His little brain is growing and changing so rapidly now and you just never know what you are going to get from hour to hour or day to day. I always have to keep in mind that it is one day at a time, one foot in front of the other and things will just keep getting better.
I know that with all of the bad and ugly comes so much good that it definitely outweighs the bad and ugly moments. 6 months ago I would have said the exact opposite b/c there were definitely more bad and ugly moments/days than good days back then. It almost seems surreal how much growth and progress we have made in such a short amount of time.
I thought it was a short amount of time until I made that comment to someone we have been working with for 2.5 years now. She said to me, "it didn't happen overnight, it happened b/c of all of the early intervention I have sought out for my son and the wonderful team that came together to help me, help him." I think of each and every one of them daily and am so thankful that they found a way into our lives. I know I went out and "found them" but to me finding them happened for a reason.
I received a few emails this week from some of my son's specialists stating how impressed they are with how well he is adapting to change, transitions, and even working through his small "meltdowns". I am so proud of my little guy and all that he has achieved. Through the good, the bad and the ugly the sun has begun to shine and all of the clouds that seemed to cover so many of our days are now behind us. Each day I see less clouds and more sunshine and that makes me one happy mom!
I know that with all of the bad and ugly comes so much good that it definitely outweighs the bad and ugly moments. 6 months ago I would have said the exact opposite b/c there were definitely more bad and ugly moments/days than good days back then. It almost seems surreal how much growth and progress we have made in such a short amount of time.
I thought it was a short amount of time until I made that comment to someone we have been working with for 2.5 years now. She said to me, "it didn't happen overnight, it happened b/c of all of the early intervention I have sought out for my son and the wonderful team that came together to help me, help him." I think of each and every one of them daily and am so thankful that they found a way into our lives. I know I went out and "found them" but to me finding them happened for a reason.
I received a few emails this week from some of my son's specialists stating how impressed they are with how well he is adapting to change, transitions, and even working through his small "meltdowns". I am so proud of my little guy and all that he has achieved. Through the good, the bad and the ugly the sun has begun to shine and all of the clouds that seemed to cover so many of our days are now behind us. Each day I see less clouds and more sunshine and that makes me one happy mom!
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