Milestones and breakthroughs worth celebrating

Over the last few weeks, we had several more breakthroughs and milestones with our son. You may read this blog and think, “What is she so excited about” these things happen to every child and it is just my kid maturing. In reality what I am witnessing is 2.5 years of intense early intervention therapy proving to be worth every penny and all of the blood, sweat and tears my little boy and our family had to endure over this time period.

My 4 year old and I were sitting on his bed last week when tears welled up in his eyes and he said to me, mommy I don’t feel so well. I asked if it was his stomach or his head and he said no mom, my feelings are hurt and I am really sad b/c I miss daddy and want him to come back home. His daddy was on a work trip and he really missed him. The amazing part about all of this is even a month ago, he was physically unable to just let himself cry and use his words to share what he was feeling inside. Instead, over the last 2 years those feelings were shown in the way of meltdowns that lasted hours, tantrums that had him kicking, screaming, throwing and trying to even hit or bite. This time, he handled himself with maturity, love, compassion and amazing words that allowed me to figure out what was going on, comfort him and even calm him down enough to get to sleep for the evening. No true chaos, no anxiety and no screaming on either one of our parts. It was truly an amazing moment.

Another milestone moment happened last week when my son fell down and scraped his knee pretty hard on the sidewalk. Instead of throwing a complete temper tantrum full of kicks, scratches, screams and punches he cried real tears and shared that it stung, burned and wanted to make it stop. He asked me to pour water on it and even wanted to try and clean it off himself. He decided that he still wanted to go to his scheduled appointment and not just go home. Just another example of how he has learned to cope with the unexpected, pull himself together and keep going, instead of letting it ruin his entire day.

A few days ago I came across a babycenter.com article that was titled Excuse me, mommy and it talked about how kids at 4 just talk and talk and talk and are so curious. They said that talking and talking, when they feel like it and not just when they should be talking, isn’t b/c they are being disobedient, but instead a normal lack of self-control. For the first time in a very long time I realized that my 4yr old was right in line with this “typical” behavior. He is now that curious child, always asking questions and trying to figure things out. His little brain is taking things in and processing them at a speed I never thought possible. Things that would take him hours, days or that were even impossible for him to process are now possible for him. In a way he has achieved the impossible and to me that is just incredible.

Yesterday I saw my 4 yr old play on a swing for over an hour with a friend from school. He wanted to go higher and higher and when I wouldn’t push him “really high” he asked daddy to push him instead. I was afraid he was going to fall off of the swing. In the last 2 years I have only seen him get on a swing 2 other times. One time he fell off and the other time he seemed happy. This time he was talking and laughing and screaming in delight with a friend right next to him doing the same thing.

My first thought was that the new preschool-teachers were amazing, my husband thought he was just seeing how other friends can do it and just decided that he could and the truth lies somewhere in between. It is true that his new teachers are amazing, loving, caring and work with each child to develop their academic and social emotional skills at their own place. It is also true that our son has matured a lot over the last 6 months and is learning that if his friends can do it, he can too. Finally, the behavioral aide we had working with him 3 hours a day 3 days a week for over 8 months was able to identify his “triggers” give him ways to cope and deal with those triggers which in turn has helped him change his behaviors.

All of this has helped him become the little boy he is today. It has truly changed our lives. For a long time we didn’t want to have play dates, go to parties or even to the park for fear what may set him off and cause an alarming meltdown, evil looks from other parents or just sadness in our hearts for what he was going through.

Today we had a play date with triplets. Our son is friends with all of them from school. While the play date was sometimes overwhelming for him, I felt that he handled himself well. They were here for 2 hours and during that time he had a few moments of overstimulation and episodes of not understanding why his friends didn’t want to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. Although he had some of these moments and episodes, he was able to keep it together enough to calm himself down and/or move himself through the situation well enough to avoid an all out meltdown. In a nutshell the play-date was a big success.

On the days that I wonder if what I have been doing for my son is really going to pay off, days like these come along and make me know that everything I fought for and all of the early intervention he is currently getting, is paying off 100%. It also makes me sad as I think of many friends and strangers yet to come into my life that can’t accept that there is really something going on with their child, won’t look in the mirror to see that part of the problem may actually be them, or the fact that they chose to only go so far when just one more call or one more meeting may have given their child every chance to have the best social emotional life possible.

I know we still have a lot of work to do. I also know that all of the early intervention we paid for out of pocket over the last 2 years is finally proving to be worth every penny. These milestones may seem small and petty to some, but those that truly know what I have been through and where we are heading would agree that they are HUGE milestones worth celebrating.

I continue to share my story in hopes that it will help other people take that extra step for their child. Knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel may allow someone to keep going until they get a yes. I know first-hand that it only takes one person in the right position to back you up in order to move things forward. I also know that the long and winding road really does have some sunny easy cruise control lanes as well. Regardless of how long it takes between the milestones discussed above, I am a true believer in intense early intervention, as well as the power of positive thinking and the desire to never ever give up.