Courage

Over the last 2.5 years I can’t even count the number of times my heart dropped to my feet while my stomach filled with knots b/c I had to ask my son to stop what he was doing and change his focus. What would that request bring? It could have ended with a scream, a tantrum, a good cry, cooperation or an ok mom – no one ever really knew how he would react. This week there have been more enlightening moments than I can remember having in a 6 month period of time. I am so proud of my little boy and how he has learned to handle all that he has endured over the last few years. The coping and self regulation skills that he has learned, the pride I hear in his voice and see on his face when he knows he did something well and the creative ways he has learned to play with his friends, his brother and even on his own, all give me such a sense of peace and pride.

He has begun to understand abstract ideas, express his feelings in terms that make sense, play in such a creative way, offering to help, moving from task to task, learning how to cope when things don’t work out the way he expects them to and following directions without a fight or meltdown.

Some may read this and think it sounds like he is just growing up as he should and wonder why I am excited that all of the above is happening. What they don’t get is that from year 2 to 4.5 he was about a year behind the majority of his peers with all of the above. I thought the progress that he has made over the last 2.5 years was good yet each time I speak with a professional about it I am told that the progress he has made is not good, it’s fantastic. We still have a long way to go before he is on par with a typical “mainstream” peer BUT he is well on his way to having all of the necessary skills to communicate, interact, cope and self regulate in any situation and for that I am forever grateful.

Through my son I have learned how to be more resilient, more flexible, more determined and more understanding than I ever thought possible. In 4 short years he has taught me more about myself, courage, strength, struggles and successes than anyone else I have ever encountered. He has the kindest heart of anyone I know and strives to be the best he can be every day. He battles within himself to do the right thing and each day finds a new way to cope and deal with these struggles. He is an amazing human being and I am so proud to be his mom.

I continue to write this blog as an outlet for me, and to give others hope that great things can be ahead for their child and family as well. The time and energy I have devoted to research, calls, fighting for services, cutting through red tape, listening to “professional opinions” and for my son in general, has all come full circle for me. My crying eyes and sad heart have been replaced with excited, hope and a huge smile. I now know that the future is bright and that nothing can or will stand in the way of me or my family’s well being again.