Treasure-Trove Tuesday -> Selfish and Selfless – the delicate balance

Ever feel like you give and give and get nothing in return for your kindness, your selflessness?  It’s one of those things that slowly drains the energy out of you. It creeps up on you like a toddler who tiptoes into your room and then stands next to your bed, staring, until you open your eyes!  

Took me 40+ years to recognize, in order to do selfless acts and truly feel good about them, you also need to be a bit selfish at times.  Not selfish in a rude/unempathetic way, Selfish in a way that gives you the space to take care of yourself before taking care of others. 

Throughout the last 10+ years I have helped numerous parents and professionals reflect on habits and behaviors that impact or impede their ability to show up as their best self, open to receiving, willing to engage and collaborate when other’s thoughts/opinions don’t match what is in their minds.  Whether in the board room with executives or a school room with teachers and administration, everyone comes with their own agenda – expectations of how something will play out – and then when it doesn’t work in one’s favor, tempers flare, frustration occurs and no one wins.  

I have come to realize:  

~ Learning to balance selflessness with selfishness is an art. 

~ Learning to stay calm through adversity is an art.

~ The ability to truly understand one’s perspective, allowing yourself to “see” their perspective is an art. 

~ Being able to pull out what is most important and ask for more information is an art. 

There is a fine line between Selflessness and being a door mat. There is also a fine line between Selfishness and being self-absorbed. The former in small doses is essential for healthy self and relationships yet the latter can be detrimental to one’s relationships.

At the center of it all is self-awareness, patience, empathy, emotional intelligence AND a willingness to be good to yourself so that you can be good to others. There is a sense of calm necessary to accomplish this delicate balance.

 

#journey2bloom #courage2fail #selfcarematters #inspireresilience #treasuretrovetuesday #selfishandselfless #neurodiversity #parentsandprofessionals

Treasure-Trove Tuesday and Wonderment Wednesday Combo - embracing self worth and valuing your internal thoughts

     I spent most of my life seeking validation, outside gratification and approval to make myself feel "good".  I thought I needed validation from others in order to trust myself and boy is that exhausting!

About 2 years ago mindfulness and visualization became an integral part of my daily routine and as I formed these new habits, I no longer needed to please others to feel good about myself, my value and my worth.  It felt like a "500 pound gorilla" had been thrown off my back -  those thoughts no longer held me back - I felt light and free - finally able to recognize, acknowledge and clearly see where I was heading! 

Trusting my gut, acknowledging I am enough and valuing my self worth shifted my journey from people pleaser to personal pleaser putting me on a road toward becoming everything I am meant to do and who I am meant to serve all lending a hand in creating "My Personal Legend"  People began to see my authentic self, an open book and vulnerable which allowed me to impact and influence clients view of themselves and their situation on a level deeper than I ever thought possible. All of this resulted in positive change and a shift in their path toward becoming their best selves.  

Still today, Completely trusting myself often feels like an out of body experience.  It is something I must keep top of mind - being conscious of every single day so not to fall back into old habits. 

Trust and vulnerability are key to raw and fully honest conversation between 2 people.  It is one thing to know someone well enough to trust them with your friendship and another to trust them to a depth of calm and non-judgmental space that allows one to feel safe with their most vulnerable thoughts and feelings.

This type of relationship takes time, courage, strength, patience and an unwavering ability to truly listen from a non-judgmental place to fully understand what is being said/seen.  

At the center of it all is your personal story.  Why? Because by embracing every stage of your journey, you get to lean into your authentic self, giving others the courage to do the same!  It is a delicate balance of listening, learning and letting go of what no longer serves you while leaning in and learning to trust your inner voice! 

Feeling inspired to share your story or perhaps embark on your very own journey2bloom, with me as your guide, please DM me at LinkedIn or FB, or email me journey2bloom@gmail.com 

#courage2fail #findingyourvoice #learningdifferences #inspireresilience #journey2bloom #parentsandprofessionals #mentorcoaching #wordsmatter #empoweringparents #neurodiversity #leadership 

Wonderment Wednesday turned to Thankful Thursday for inspiration

Wonderment Wednesday turned to Thankful Thursday for inspiration as I processed all the varying thoughts on the power of No and power of Choice.  7 years ago, I wrote "Our entire life - consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are" and all these years later I finally realize that often means knowing when to say No more, even if others don't get the decision! 

In light of Simone's courageous decision and all the opinions from the world around - albeit many who have never played a sport or have any clue the mental toll gymnastics takes on a person - I once again ask: ~Why is the hardest battle within me - the split in the road - b/w what I know in my head & what I feel in my heart? ~  And now let me add, who are you to judge another person battling this question when you have never walked a day in their shoes?

I don't often speak of my time as an Elite Level gymnast/2-time US Jr National Team member, being the first person ever to successfully compete a full-in back out of the uneven bars back in the mid 80's (before it was in the code of books) nor missing my chance of competing it internationally so that it could be named after me.  Tokyo is where I had hoped to make that dream a reality, yet a fall on bars led to me doing a double back dismount instead because it was the safer choice at that time.  Still Japan holds a special place in my heart b/c I had the honor of representing the USA there in 1985. It was my best international competition ~ Silver and Bronze hardware ~ to remember it always.  Central to my success in Japan was this - I was 100% physically and mentally prepared for the event - I believed in myself and knew I was "peaking".  I just needed to trust myself.  In thinking back on that time, I threw a vault that I had only trained into a pit, prior to going to this meet.  And guess what, I nailed it!  

Oh, and by the way, when I got back to the states and tried to do it in the gym, I failed at it over and over and over before I got it back, simply because my mindset was not where it was when I was at that competition.  I say all of this to shed some light on the ups and downs of the sport. During a mental downtime, while doing that vault, I landed with my hand flipped the wrong way and ended up with tendon and ligament damage that kept me out of U.S. Championships that year. Eventually injuries kept me from '88 Olympic Trials as well and I was left wondering who I was because over the years as I trained, my identity had become "gymnast".

Most humans will never understand the complexity of Elite level Gymnasts nor the expectation to compartmentalize pain and just push through it - making us some of the toughest most resilient athletes in the world and yes, affording us the tools to take inspired action that creates the changes necessary to become our true authentic self - regardless of if our choices are "accepted" by the mainstream.  Gymnasts are human, and just as a rubber band is super strong and resilient, when you pull on it too many times, it does snap!  

I suspect Simone's heart said do it & her head said, you are not in the right mindset - going out there could create a catastrophic injury. I know what it feels like to have the "joy of the sport disappear" and the limitations that puts on your mental toughness to keep going.  

When prime time Olympic coverage switched to Women's team finals and the camera turned to Simone all I could see what that the sparkle in her eye and the smile that could light up the room was nowhere in sight.  I wondered what was going on to make her look so distraught and then the vault happened. 

When she made her decision, my heart broke for her & yet my mind said thank goodness.  Everyone has their "breaking point" - and while many "critics" think she should have known ahead of time. Reality is, sometimes you DON'T see it coming - instead it just knocks you down and leaves you in a place you never found yourself before.  

During my time as an Elite, anxiety and lack of self-confidence was always front & center for me. I didn't know that's what it was at the time and quite frankly no one would have given me the space to "figure it out" without judgement or telling me be tough and just do it. 

By 5th grade I was leaving school early and training many grueling (30+) hours/week in the gym - and by 6th grade, traveling country and the world competing, with the goal/dream of becoming an Olympian - only to get injured less than a year before '88 Olympic trials. It took me years to trust my heart, let go of those who were "judging me".  I continued feeling stuck, anxious & lost, not having the courage or words to ask for help, as I sorted through the mess.  

Looking back on my career, almost every fall I had was b/c my mindset wasn't where it needed to be - I didn't believe in myself - I was afraid, hesitant etc. Those were the most dangerous times for me to train/compete. Why, b/c while gymnastics requires tremendous strength & endurance which is built upon during practices, when it comes down to competition days, it is 90% mental. We were conditioned to push through any pain, no matter how bad, in pursuit of medals. Although everyone's journey is different, I have no doubt, this took a mental toll on each & every person.

I am incredibly proud of @Simone Biles for doing what was best for her, to keep her safe AND give the USA women's gymnasts the best chance at winning a medal in team event. I am in awe of Simone's courage to get back on the arena floor and stand by her teammates, encouraging & guiding them.  On the flip side I am disgusted by those who chose to call her a coward. She is still the team captain & what happened doesn't take away from the impact she has had on the world of gymnastics & young athletes everywhere. 

She worked her entire life for this & making the decision to step away & let the others do what she knew they were capable of takes courage, strength & selflessness. I stand by what she did & believe with my whole heart that her actions will have an incredibly long-lasting impact /influence on the importance of striking a balance between strong mental AND physical health in order to fully bloom in the world of Elite Level sports! This balance of strong mental AND physical health must be talked about and worked on in corporate America, education and parenting as well.  Embracing mental health support as a positive and real need leads to a well-rounded person - healthy mind, healthy body and soul. It is the next stepping stone to many of us feeling comfortable in our own skin and truly becoming our authentic self.

When it comes to learning - is it best to Tell, Teach or Train others?

A few weeks ago I posted a poll on LinkedIn asking, "When learning about a topic, which option offers you the best opportunity to retain the information and apply it going forward?"  

The options: 

~ Having someone Tell you

~ Having someone Teach you

~ Having someone Train you

The results: 

~ (0) Having someone Tell you

~ (2) Having someone Teach you

~ (8) Having someone Train you

While the results were not of great surprise, it did get my wheels turning.  Mostly wondering how many people believe they train others vs. Teach or Tell when it comes to learning about a topic. 

Self awareness is something that many don't have when it comes to how they engage others and the lack of that 1 thing can turn a great collaborative and engaging environment into a combative/toxic one that leads to lack of progress and increased animosity.

Let's take a look at the definitions for each of the 3 words along with other words that are similar as determined by a dictionary(well in this case google search :) 

~Tell: communicate information, facts, or news to someone in spoken or written words. 

When you Tell - You Inform or Notify

~Teach: show or explain to (someone) how to do something. 

When you Teach - You Educate, Coach, Instruct (even Train)

~Train: teach a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time.

When you Train - You Instruct, Teach, Coach and Educate

 

In my 20+ years engaging with others in a position of power, I have seen an overwhelming number of senior leaders in organizations and  administrators in schools Tell vs. Teach or Train, and the outcomes are often underwhelming. The audience walks away upset, confused, frustrated, perhaps it was wasted time, not listened to and/or overall defeated. 

I wasn't too surprised by the results since most professionals I have trained, educators I have partnered with and parents I have supported, learn through a blended approach. The same goes for myself and my kids. 

Lack of understanding/importance of a blended approach may stem from: 

~absence of emotional intelligence

~lack of self awareness and impact on others

~choosing not to believe the feedback given is accurate

~The person was never trained on the "how to" nor the "WIFM'"

Whatever the reason, hands down, Train won the most votes and - as shown above - when you train you simultaneously thread Tell and Teach into the conversation.  Those who go through "train the trainer" programs learn how to blend this combination to elicit the most from each of the audience members.   I suspect those with high emotional intelligence and self awareness do it inadvertently, because it just feels right.  

While there is a time and place to Tell others about a specific topic, in almost all situations, I find that when you take the opportunity to train - engaging, collaborating, summarizing and checking for understanding, retention and application of information is more consistently sustained.  

After all, isn't learning more fun when you get to engage and collaborate with others? 

#couragetofail #findingyourvoice #learningdifferences #inspireresilience #journey2bloom #parenting  #mentorcoaching #wordsmatter #diversity #neurodiverse #leadership #tellteachtrain #transformation

The Courage to Fail.....Go ahead and try it!

 The Courage to fail leads to.......

- permission and willingness to make mistakes

- being ok not having all the answers

- seeking help when you need it

- speaking up when something isn't working

- sharing ideas in a meeting

- letting go of the outcome

- stopping yourself from worrying about how others may respond

- trusting yourself

By having the Courage to fail, you learn....

- It is ok to make mistakes

- How to accept help from others

- Being vulnerable is a sign of strength

What if - Having the courage to fail gives others an opportunity to help you help yourself by listening, offering support and encouragement to keep going!

Go ahead try it! I promise you will learn something!

#couragetofail #findingyourvoice #learningdifferences #inspireresilience #journey2bloom #parenting #advoacy #mentorcoaching #wordsmatter

The Courage to Fail

As I recorded a short video titled - The Courage to Fail - I realized I found the Courage to Fail when I was just 4 years old - determined to jump high enough to reach the sturdy branch that stood well above my head on the big oak tree in my front yard. I wanted so much to climb as high as the birds who sat perched on the delicate branches above, overlooking the street upon which I resided.  I must have jumped 100 times before finally grasping the limb and pulling myself up to a sitting position. I still remember the feeling of my heart pounding through my chest and the smile that showed how proud I was for not giving up. I sat on the branch for what felt like hours.  I know this courage to fail inspired resilience in me and opened the pathway for clarity and my Journey2Bloom. 

Today vivid memories came rushing back as I began recalling the many hours I spent sitting on a branch high above the grass, trying to find my place among those on the street below and dreaming of one day having a meaningful impact on the world.  

I will be the first to say I didn't always embrace "The Courage to Fail" and until today I certainly didn't really understand how engrained this statement was within my being.  

As I continue to move through this Journey2Bloom, finding the courage to fail has paved the way for me to help others succeed.

I am beginning to clearly see that The Courage to Fail led me to the courage to endure, the courage to continue on, the courage to learn, grow and has brought me to a crossroads where this Courage to Fail is giving me the Courage to Thrive. 

Tell me about your Courage to Fail! 

Ready to plant the seeds and embark on your path to clarity while traveling alongside me on your very own journey2bloom?  If so, please email me at journey2bloom@gmail.com to connect!

Website found here ->  https://journey2bloom.wixsite.com/mysite/how-we-collaborate

#journey2bloom #inspireresilience #ittakesavillage #movingmountains #wordsmatter #advocacy #parenting #findingyourvoice #learningdifferences #mentorcoaching

Emotions are a Funny Thing

Emotions are a funny thing - sometimes showing up as excitement and accomplishment yet just as often as mixed emotions and anxiety.

As I continue to plant the seeds to Bloom, memories and emotions from the start of my #journey2bloom often come rushing back. Today's reflection resulted in emotions of Pride, Fulfillment, Vulnerability, Insecurity and Gratitude.

It led me to delve deeper into which memories triggered each of those emotions and perhaps why.

I finally recognized it revolved around offering and/or receiving help.

When it comes to offering vs. receiving help, For me, the feelings show up as follows:

A sense of Pride and Fulfillment when offering help to others

A sense of Vulnerability and Insecurity when asking for help

A sense of Gratitude when accepting help offered without asking

With today's reflection, I recommit to being open to receive help and open to asking for it when I really need an ear, a hand, some words of wisdom or simply guidance on something I don't know much about. Had I not asked for help 11+ years ago my boys, both with learning differences, would be in a much different place than they are today. Each on their own path, yet each growing and thriving in their own way.

As I shift from passion to execution I know I will learn with each of you because at the center of this community lies empathy, compassion and an unwavering willingness to listen to others thoughts/ideas.  

What feelings show up for you when it comes to offering vs. receiving help?

What happens when you do ask for help?

Why is asking for help so hard for most?

Ready to plant the seeds and embark on your path to clarity while traveling alongside me on your very own journey2bloom?  If so, please email me at journey2bloom@gmail.com to connect!

Coming Soon:

Group  discussions focused on 

Topics important to parents of students with learning differences 

Website found here ->  https://journey2bloom.wixsite.com/mysite/how-we-collaborate

#journey2bloom #inspireresilience #ittakesavillage #movingmountains #wordsmatter #advocacy #parenting #findingyourvoice #learningdifferences #mentorcoaching