The Struggle is Real and You are NOT Alone

Summer is nearing its end which means my youngest is about to turn 7 and before we know he will be heading to 2nd grade while my oldest goes into his final year of elementary school.  Routines are ever changing and going with the flow is not the easiest for either of my boys. It is typical for both to show elevated levels of anxiety as routines drastically change such as school starting.  New kids, new teachers, new classrooms, different part of the school…..and the list goes on.  You may be thinking to yourself, all kids get nervous before school starts.  While that is likely true, it is not common for the "typical" child to exhibit the heightened levels of anxiety observed by children with ADHD and/or ASD. 

As I sit here typing my anxiety begins to increase just thinking about all the changes that are about to take place.  I know this doesn't help ease the boy’s minds nor keep them calm, so I do my best to take deep breaths and stay calm, positive and optimistic about the weeks ahead.  I reflect on the last few years of "school prep" and do my best to recall the things that eased my kids minds and prepared them for the new school year.  First and foremost, we always attend the back to school open house.  Easing the anxiety that comes from the unknown and brings up question after question after question until one or both boys are so anxious they have become too wound up to calm down without sending them to a "quiet place" to compose themselves.  Attending this yearly event is standard routine and allows the boys to get familiar with their new classroom, meet their new teachers and see which friends are with them for the upcoming school year.  All important things for kids with and without anxiety.

One of the most interesting things I have come to realize is that it is not just about change in routine that causes anxiety to rear its sometimes ugly head, it is about the fear of the unknown, the expectations the kids put on themselves regardless of how supportive, open, caring and/or understanding we are with them as they many times struggle to understand and/or learn new things.  Sometimes telling the boys they are doing a fantastic job or we are proud of them no matter what backfires and sometimes even creates a meltdown you would not expect.  What would cause a meltdown in this case?   Glad you asked………. I will use my youngest as an example…..for him the internal thought that he is not doing what they expect of himself.  Perhaps working on a math problem, he understood a few days earlier only to forget how to do it b/c while he got it when it was happening due to repetition, not practicing it for a few days made it escape his memory. 

For both boys, the struggle is real and while the highs and lows may hibernate for periods of time, they never disappear.  Each individual disorder brings on different behaviors such as meltdowns and/or episodes of silliness, goofiness, spastic and/or OCD like behaviors that last anywhere from 5 minutes to a few hours depending on what started the wheels spinning and what eventually triggered the wheels to come unhinged. 

Over the years I have wondered who would care to read or benefit from brutally honest posts on the events and situations we have encountered, our daily struggles as well as the mental and physical toll it takes on all of us. Would anyone believe what I write is reality? Could sharing what we go through and what we have been through help others try something new, do something different or at least reach out for support because they realize they are not alone?  The answer is YES.  There are many families that feel they are alone in their struggle to figure out what to do next and why this is happening to them and/or their child.  I will continue to pay it forward with my blog with the goal of helping others know that they are not alone, their child is not "that different" and there is a village of people here to support them.  All you need to do is stop listening to those who say things like this: If you disciplined your kid differently maybe they wouldn't act out; Give it time and your kid will grow out of it; We all have sensory issues and the statements go on and on and on.   If your gut is telling you there is something more triggering your child's actions and reactions go with your gut, let down your guard, be vulnerable enough to raise their white flag and yell "HELP".  I promise you won't regret it!