Milestones and breakthroughs worth celebrating

Over the last few weeks, we had several more breakthroughs and milestones with our son. You may read this blog and think, “What is she so excited about” these things happen to every child and it is just my kid maturing. In reality what I am witnessing is 2.5 years of intense early intervention therapy proving to be worth every penny and all of the blood, sweat and tears my little boy and our family had to endure over this time period.

My 4 year old and I were sitting on his bed last week when tears welled up in his eyes and he said to me, mommy I don’t feel so well. I asked if it was his stomach or his head and he said no mom, my feelings are hurt and I am really sad b/c I miss daddy and want him to come back home. His daddy was on a work trip and he really missed him. The amazing part about all of this is even a month ago, he was physically unable to just let himself cry and use his words to share what he was feeling inside. Instead, over the last 2 years those feelings were shown in the way of meltdowns that lasted hours, tantrums that had him kicking, screaming, throwing and trying to even hit or bite. This time, he handled himself with maturity, love, compassion and amazing words that allowed me to figure out what was going on, comfort him and even calm him down enough to get to sleep for the evening. No true chaos, no anxiety and no screaming on either one of our parts. It was truly an amazing moment.

Another milestone moment happened last week when my son fell down and scraped his knee pretty hard on the sidewalk. Instead of throwing a complete temper tantrum full of kicks, scratches, screams and punches he cried real tears and shared that it stung, burned and wanted to make it stop. He asked me to pour water on it and even wanted to try and clean it off himself. He decided that he still wanted to go to his scheduled appointment and not just go home. Just another example of how he has learned to cope with the unexpected, pull himself together and keep going, instead of letting it ruin his entire day.

A few days ago I came across a babycenter.com article that was titled Excuse me, mommy and it talked about how kids at 4 just talk and talk and talk and are so curious. They said that talking and talking, when they feel like it and not just when they should be talking, isn’t b/c they are being disobedient, but instead a normal lack of self-control. For the first time in a very long time I realized that my 4yr old was right in line with this “typical” behavior. He is now that curious child, always asking questions and trying to figure things out. His little brain is taking things in and processing them at a speed I never thought possible. Things that would take him hours, days or that were even impossible for him to process are now possible for him. In a way he has achieved the impossible and to me that is just incredible.

Yesterday I saw my 4 yr old play on a swing for over an hour with a friend from school. He wanted to go higher and higher and when I wouldn’t push him “really high” he asked daddy to push him instead. I was afraid he was going to fall off of the swing. In the last 2 years I have only seen him get on a swing 2 other times. One time he fell off and the other time he seemed happy. This time he was talking and laughing and screaming in delight with a friend right next to him doing the same thing.

My first thought was that the new preschool-teachers were amazing, my husband thought he was just seeing how other friends can do it and just decided that he could and the truth lies somewhere in between. It is true that his new teachers are amazing, loving, caring and work with each child to develop their academic and social emotional skills at their own place. It is also true that our son has matured a lot over the last 6 months and is learning that if his friends can do it, he can too. Finally, the behavioral aide we had working with him 3 hours a day 3 days a week for over 8 months was able to identify his “triggers” give him ways to cope and deal with those triggers which in turn has helped him change his behaviors.

All of this has helped him become the little boy he is today. It has truly changed our lives. For a long time we didn’t want to have play dates, go to parties or even to the park for fear what may set him off and cause an alarming meltdown, evil looks from other parents or just sadness in our hearts for what he was going through.

Today we had a play date with triplets. Our son is friends with all of them from school. While the play date was sometimes overwhelming for him, I felt that he handled himself well. They were here for 2 hours and during that time he had a few moments of overstimulation and episodes of not understanding why his friends didn’t want to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. Although he had some of these moments and episodes, he was able to keep it together enough to calm himself down and/or move himself through the situation well enough to avoid an all out meltdown. In a nutshell the play-date was a big success.

On the days that I wonder if what I have been doing for my son is really going to pay off, days like these come along and make me know that everything I fought for and all of the early intervention he is currently getting, is paying off 100%. It also makes me sad as I think of many friends and strangers yet to come into my life that can’t accept that there is really something going on with their child, won’t look in the mirror to see that part of the problem may actually be them, or the fact that they chose to only go so far when just one more call or one more meeting may have given their child every chance to have the best social emotional life possible.

I know we still have a lot of work to do. I also know that all of the early intervention we paid for out of pocket over the last 2 years is finally proving to be worth every penny. These milestones may seem small and petty to some, but those that truly know what I have been through and where we are heading would agree that they are HUGE milestones worth celebrating.

I continue to share my story in hopes that it will help other people take that extra step for their child. Knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel may allow someone to keep going until they get a yes. I know first-hand that it only takes one person in the right position to back you up in order to move things forward. I also know that the long and winding road really does have some sunny easy cruise control lanes as well. Regardless of how long it takes between the milestones discussed above, I am a true believer in intense early intervention, as well as the power of positive thinking and the desire to never ever give up.

School Readiness

A parent's decision to move their child to kindergarten or have them wait an extra year is a very hard decision. It is probably one of the most important decisions we as parents will ever make when it comes to our child's future and well being. It is a very hard decision. One that has no right or wrong answer, only a gut feeling. You may be asking yourself, so what does it mean to be ready for school? I came across the following quoted information on the Education.com website.

Education.com's website says that School readiness means "having the ability to learn and cope with the school environment without undue stress.
•A child's intelligence plays only a minor role in his or her ability to cope with the school day."

At a meeting a few days ago the director of my son's preschool talked about what she felt Kindergarten readiness meant. I strongly agreed with her assessment and so I thought it would be beneficial to share some of what she talked about that evening.

* Feel secure in a new environment
* Self regulation and emotional regulation skills
* The ability to communicate with peers and adults
* Developed fine motor skills and coordination
* Problem solving skills
* Critical thinking skills
* Interactive play
* Self confidence
* The ability to socially interact in an appropriate manner

I truly believe that no matter how academically ready a child is for school, without the social emotional aspect, we are setting them up for failure. Unfortunately that is the case for a lot of us, epecially since our kids are being taught in Kindergarten what we were taught in first and second grade. It is sad how quickly our children are expected to grow up. I have friends who have Kindergarten kids expected to complete 1-2 hours of homework a night. A kindergartener should never have to sit at a table and do homework for 2 hours after being at school all day. It makes no sense to me. I don't think it takes a professional to know that they don't have the attenion span to do so and that 5 and 6 year olds should be out riding their bikes and climbing trees after school. Exploring and being kids.

Since this blog post was intended to share school readiness information, I will end it now. Please feel free to post questions about this or anything else I blog about on my site. I welcome the conversation and hope that this blog will help at least one person figure out what the right next step is for their child.

Courage

Over the last 2.5 years I can’t even count the number of times my heart dropped to my feet while my stomach filled with knots b/c I had to ask my son to stop what he was doing and change his focus. What would that request bring? It could have ended with a scream, a tantrum, a good cry, cooperation or an ok mom – no one ever really knew how he would react. This week there have been more enlightening moments than I can remember having in a 6 month period of time. I am so proud of my little boy and how he has learned to handle all that he has endured over the last few years. The coping and self regulation skills that he has learned, the pride I hear in his voice and see on his face when he knows he did something well and the creative ways he has learned to play with his friends, his brother and even on his own, all give me such a sense of peace and pride.

He has begun to understand abstract ideas, express his feelings in terms that make sense, play in such a creative way, offering to help, moving from task to task, learning how to cope when things don’t work out the way he expects them to and following directions without a fight or meltdown.

Some may read this and think it sounds like he is just growing up as he should and wonder why I am excited that all of the above is happening. What they don’t get is that from year 2 to 4.5 he was about a year behind the majority of his peers with all of the above. I thought the progress that he has made over the last 2.5 years was good yet each time I speak with a professional about it I am told that the progress he has made is not good, it’s fantastic. We still have a long way to go before he is on par with a typical “mainstream” peer BUT he is well on his way to having all of the necessary skills to communicate, interact, cope and self regulate in any situation and for that I am forever grateful.

Through my son I have learned how to be more resilient, more flexible, more determined and more understanding than I ever thought possible. In 4 short years he has taught me more about myself, courage, strength, struggles and successes than anyone else I have ever encountered. He has the kindest heart of anyone I know and strives to be the best he can be every day. He battles within himself to do the right thing and each day finds a new way to cope and deal with these struggles. He is an amazing human being and I am so proud to be his mom.

I continue to write this blog as an outlet for me, and to give others hope that great things can be ahead for their child and family as well. The time and energy I have devoted to research, calls, fighting for services, cutting through red tape, listening to “professional opinions” and for my son in general, has all come full circle for me. My crying eyes and sad heart have been replaced with excited, hope and a huge smile. I now know that the future is bright and that nothing can or will stand in the way of me or my family’s well being again.

It may just be as easy at ABC

Over the last several weeks I have heard a lot about the ABC's of behavior. In a nutshell it seems as though no behavior will change without knowing the cause of the behavior nor changing the consequence of what happens when the behavior occurs. I know this sounds quite simple but in fact the more I learn about it the more I realize that it is quite a complex process. There is a saying that goes something like, "it takes 1 day to make a bad habit but 100 days to break one" I have come to realize that habits are just behaviors that we do over and over again. Either no one addressed the bad habits, offered us other ways to react to certain situations or we just chose or choose to continue with the habits we have created in our own minds.

However you look at it something always causes us to begin a habit. It is up to us and our support groups to figure out the following - what caused the behavior in the first place, why did it become a habit/ongoing behavior and what can we do to change it. For those of us that are completely open to new ideas and change it may sound quite simple when in fact even a person who is open to change will still fall back into old habits given the chance to do so.

Now you look at a child who may not necessarily know any differently and you come to a few conclusions as to how their behavior may have become a habit. The environment, their role models or even their peers. If someone see's someone getting something they want by doing it the wrong way, why do it the right way and risk not getting the reward.

Wikipedia states, "One of the most simple yet effective methods of functional behavioral assessment is called the "ABC" approach, where observations are made on Antecedents, Behaviors, and Consequences. In other words, "What comes directly before the behavior?", "What does the behavior look like?", and "What comes directly after the behavior?" Once enough observations are made, the data are analyzed and patterns are identified. If there are consistent antecedents and/or consequences, an intervention should target those to increase or decrease the target behavior. This method forms the core of positive behavior support for schoolchildren in both regular and special education."

As with anything else worth doing, it takes time to change a behavior. The choice to change is your decision. I have decided to further educate myself on this process and use it to not only better my children's lives but mine as well.

What choice will you make?

It takes a village

We are one week into my son's new Pre-K program and I couldn't be happier with the teachers and special educators that are providing services to him and other children at the school. Every morning I walk onto campus and we are greated by smiling teachers, directors and other educators, relaxed and excited to see my little boy show up for school. They are ready to take on whatever challenge may arise that day. Working along side of him to offer the best solutions and redirection in order to teach life skills. I believe now more than ever that it really does take a village to be successful in providing your child with the best.

I am very lucky to have a village behind me, offering guidance, support and assistance along the way. It is quite comforting to know that he is thriving and growing every day. This last year has been full of ups and downs, yet so much good has come out of it. He is learning and growing in ways that I would have never thought possible even 6 short months ago. It is almost as though he is not even the same little boy that he was back in December when we began more intense early intervention services for him.

If not for the team behind me, I am not sure where we would be today. If not for the team along side of me now, I think I would be quite depressed and at a loss for what to do next. I am not sad, nor depressed nor feeling alone any longer. Instead, I am in a great place, feeling extremely optimistic about the future and the wonderful life ahead for our family and our kids.

I write today's blog for those that feel as though they are stuck at a cross-roads. Unsure of whether or not to start or continue early intervention services for their child. If you have any doubts about there being a chance for your child to be successful and thrive in a mainstream environment read through my blog posts. The old saying, "when there's a will there's a way" definitely applies to my train of thought - Tt is up to me to give my kids every possible opportunity to be as happy and successful as they choose to be -no matter how much time, energy and effort it takes on my part. In the long run it will be worth every moment.