Life altering moments......and thoughts from another member of our Village

One decision can change the course of a life forever.............I asked another member of our village - one of Joseph’s former ABA specialist’s - if he recalled the day, about 8 years ago, when he made the decision to stay almost an hour after his end time to ensure Joseph followed through on a directive he was given as part of his therapy.  This decision became one of the KEY turning points for Joseph.  Not only did he not get away with the behavior he was exhibiting - it was the first big step toward our ability to help him help himself cope with his Spectrum Disorder, understanding boundaries, connecting the dots between right and wrong and learning to live in the gray instead of in black and white wiring of his brain.  

On this particular night, toward the end of his session, Joseph was asked to complete a non-preferred activity. An activity mind you, that should have taken all of 5 minutes to complete and at time of completion led to the reward of a preferred activity that he was very much so interested in getting to quickly.  The ask was something hard for him to complete without a lot of focus and effort on his part.  Once frustrated and unable to self-regulate things spiraled out of control.  Instead of completing the non-preferred activity in 5 minutes, it took over an hour. 

A long, exhausting, excruciatingly painful 30 minutes or more of screams, kicks, crying, scratching and throwing of whatever was close to him.  Following Franco’s guidance, we kept calm and as silent as possible, all the while redirecting him back to what we asked him to complete many minutes earlier.  We were a united front, taking a tag team approach to keep him from escaping to another part of the house as he did everything in his power to avoid completing the task at hand.  

How the event unfolded from the words of Franco, ABA therapist and a member of our Village:

“I do remember that time you are referencing. If I remember correctly we were working with Joseph's flexibility when instructed that playtime was over. I think you took his sword away (which he had just begun hitting the TV screen with) and he was not happy. You then calmly sat down on the couch to read your book while holding his sword and he started dumping out all of his toys and throwing them all over your living room. I remember we just let him go at it for like 20 minutes and every so often he would look over your way to see if you would give him attention. You did a great job "reading" your book as that was our strategy to have Joseph work through the event! After he was done, I believe I gave him the instructions to clean everything up and that's when he thought it was a good time to leave the scene! We were able to sort of just stand in the way of the only exit out of your living room chatting while he tried to leave and we made him frustrated for a good moment but after some time he finally realized we weren't giving in and he put away ALL of his toys, apologized to me and you and we praised him for doing such a great job! I feel like that day was a breakthrough for all 3 of us as I think we all sort of clicked and was really the beginning of a successful run of sessions with Joseph!”

Had we let the end time of the session and/or his poor behavior choices deter us from standing our ground and following through, I have no doubt the years that followed and are yet to come would have been and would be very different than what we have experienced and what we have yet to experience.   There is no doubt in my mind that this event changed the course of our eldest’s life for the better and in turn the future of our entire family. 

For those not familiar with our path, this is a child we were told, by a licensed Psychologist, would never have a normal life and that we should seek to find Autism groups and counseling to help us move forward.  If we had listened to this person and not gone with our gut I am certain he wouldn’t be going into middle school, with more coping skills and manners than many adults, taking GT and above grade level classes, on a year-round competitive swim team, surrounded by a great group of friends and the only residue of what still lingers from the spectrum disorder that lies within, being supported by a 504 plan.  If this post provides strength to even one person wondering where to go next and if ABA or other specialized services could change the course for your child, family and/or lives of those around them, then it was well worth the time it took me to write it!

Decisions made during the most crucial moments either lead to profoundly wonderful life altering results or devastatingly life altering consequences.  There is always a choice, choose carefully!