Wonderment Wednesday turned
to Thankful Thursday for inspiration as I processed all the varying thoughts on
the power of No and power of Choice. 7 years ago, I wrote "Our
entire life - consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are" and
all these years later I finally realize that often means knowing when to say No
more, even if others don't get the decision!
In light of Simone's courageous
decision and all the opinions from the world around - albeit many who have
never played a sport or have any clue the mental toll gymnastics takes on a
person - I once again ask: ~Why is the hardest battle within me - the split in
the road - b/w what I know in my head & what I feel in my heart? ~
And now let me add, who are you to judge another person battling this question
when you have never walked a day in their shoes?
I don't often speak of my time
as an Elite Level gymnast/2-time US Jr National Team member, being the first
person ever to successfully compete a full-in back out of the uneven bars back
in the mid 80's (before it was in the code of books) nor missing my chance of
competing it internationally so that it could be named after me. Tokyo is
where I had hoped to make that dream a reality, yet a fall on bars led to me
doing a double back dismount instead because it was the safer choice at that
time. Still Japan holds a special place in my heart b/c I had the honor
of representing the USA there in 1985. It was my best international competition
~ Silver and Bronze hardware ~ to remember it always. Central to my
success in Japan was this - I was 100% physically and mentally prepared for the
event - I believed in myself and knew I was "peaking". I just
needed to trust myself. In thinking back on that time, I threw a vault
that I had only trained into a pit, prior to going to this meet. And
guess what, I nailed it!
Oh, and by the way, when I got
back to the states and tried to do it in the gym, I failed at it over and over
and over before I got it back, simply because my mindset was not where it was
when I was at that competition. I say all of this to shed some light on
the ups and downs of the sport. During a mental downtime, while doing that
vault, I landed with my hand flipped the wrong way and ended up with tendon and
ligament damage that kept me out of U.S. Championships that year. Eventually injuries kept me from '88 Olympic Trials as well and I was left wondering who I was because over the years as I trained, my identity had become "gymnast".
Most humans will never
understand the complexity of Elite level Gymnasts nor the expectation to
compartmentalize pain and just push through it - making us some of the toughest
most resilient athletes in the world and yes, affording us the tools to take
inspired action that creates the changes necessary to become our true authentic
self - regardless of if our choices are "accepted" by the mainstream.
Gymnasts are human, and just as a rubber band is super strong and resilient,
when you pull on it too many times, it does snap!
I suspect Simone's heart said
do it & her head said, you are not in the right mindset - going out there
could create a catastrophic injury. I know what it feels like to have the
"joy of the sport disappear" and the limitations that puts on your
mental toughness to keep going.
When prime time Olympic
coverage switched to Women's team finals and the camera turned to Simone all I
could see what that the sparkle in her eye and the smile that could light up
the room was nowhere in sight. I wondered what was going on to make her
look so distraught and then the vault happened.
When she made her decision, my
heart broke for her & yet my mind said thank goodness. Everyone has
their "breaking point" - and while many "critics" think she
should have known ahead of time. Reality is, sometimes you DON'T see it coming
- instead it just knocks you down and leaves you in a place you never found
yourself before.
During my time as an Elite,
anxiety and lack of self-confidence was always front & center for me. I
didn't know that's what it was at the time and quite frankly no one would have
given me the space to "figure it out" without judgement or telling me
be tough and just do it.
By 5th grade I was leaving
school early and training many grueling (30+) hours/week in the gym - and by
6th grade, traveling country and the world competing, with the goal/dream of
becoming an Olympian - only to get injured less than a year before '88 Olympic
trials. It took me years to trust my heart, let go of those who were
"judging me". I continued feeling stuck, anxious & lost,
not having the courage or words to ask for help, as I sorted through the
mess.
Looking back on my career,
almost every fall I had was b/c my mindset wasn't where it needed to be - I
didn't believe in myself - I was afraid, hesitant etc. Those were the most
dangerous times for me to train/compete. Why, b/c while gymnastics requires
tremendous strength & endurance which is built upon during practices, when
it comes down to competition days, it is 90% mental. We were conditioned to
push through any pain, no matter how bad, in pursuit of medals. Although
everyone's journey is different, I have no doubt, this took a mental toll on
each & every person.
I am incredibly proud of
@Simone Biles for doing what was best for her, to keep her safe AND give the
USA women's gymnasts the best chance at winning a medal in team event. I am in
awe of Simone's courage to get back on the arena floor and stand by her
teammates, encouraging & guiding them. On the flip side I am
disgusted by those who chose to call her a coward. She is still the team
captain & what happened doesn't take away from the impact she has had on
the world of gymnastics & young athletes everywhere.
She worked her entire life for
this & making the decision to step away & let the others do what she
knew they were capable of takes courage, strength & selflessness. I stand
by what she did & believe with my whole heart that her actions will have an
incredibly long-lasting impact /influence on the importance of striking a
balance between strong mental AND physical health in order to fully bloom in
the world of Elite Level sports! This balance of strong mental AND physical
health must be talked about and worked on in corporate America, education and
parenting as well. Embracing mental health support as a positive and real
need leads to a well-rounded person - healthy mind, healthy body and
soul. It is the next stepping stone to many of us feeling comfortable in
our own skin and truly becoming our authentic self.
