Brought to Tears

Giving your child the tools to succeed, yet the freedom to fail in a safe environment, is priceless. My child is proof positive of this statement. The last 3 years have been tough on our family, yet the growth and success we have seen was worth every penny, every tear shed and every painful day it took for us to get here.

My son brought me to tears today, but not in the way that most would think. As I stood speaking with one of his educators I watched a situation unfold. A situation, that just 1 year ago, I thought would never be possible. My son, a child who has struggled his entire life with social interactions, self regulation, controversy, change and transitions, found a way to self regulate, stay composed and interact as a “typical” 5 year old when faced with a challenge.

This may seem like a minor achievement, yet to those that have been through a similar journey as my son and our family, it was a huge milestone; one that took 3 years to come to fruition. To give you a little back story I will begin with where our son was socially in December 2010. A typical day on the school playground would have consisted of the following actions to try and interact with his fellow classmates: throwing sand, pushing someone over, knocking down a sand castle, looking to an adult to figure out what to do or just plain having a meltdown because he was so overwhelmed as to what was going on around him he didn’t know where to begin. Not only did he lack the communication skills to interact with his peers, he had no idea how to relate socially. As I have mentioned in a prior blog post, our son’s shadow, RR, explained to me that our son had been born with “scratches on his CD Rom” and the job of this shadow was to teach our son the skills he was not given at birth. In essence erasing the scratches and allowing for him to think, speak and interact in a socially acceptable way without the help of a “Shadow or behavioral aid”. Today I saw so much of the early intervention come together.

Our son was on the school playground this morning when I saw the power of early intervention at its finest. He ran onto the playground hoping to play a specific game with his friends and yet when he approached a friend to play this game, that child said no and walked away. A few months ago our son’s reaction would have been some combination of a meltdown, screaming and/or a lot of protesting and yet today it was a pleasure to watch unfold. We watched him get turned down and instead of the “typical reaction” I had seen so many times over the last few years; he walked away, head held low and found a way to stay calm. The educator, not seeing what caused his sad face, turned to me and asked if he was doing ok today. I said, yes, he just got turned down to play a game with his friend and I think he is just taking some time to deal with being rejected. We stood silent for another moment and then smiled at one another as we watched his frown turn to a smile and the words, hi come out of his mouth. He had calmed himself down, turned to another friend who was trying to get his attention, said hello and started talking to her. His current ability to process situations, deal with rejection and move forward has done a 180 in last 12 months.

Our son has gone from a child that other kids looked at to a child that other kids flock to and want to be around. As I walked out of the playground and up the sidewalk to my car I watched another “miracle” un-fold before my eyes. My little guy, playing in the grass alone on the far side of the playground was approached by a group of 3 classmates; one of whom was yelling his name. This little girl and the other classmates were determined to get his attention and didn’t stop until he looked up at them and said, “What?” At that moment I watched all 4 kids (including mine) stand in a circle discussing whatever it is 5 year olds discuss on a playground. Next thing I knew they were all running around the grass and then sitting on the swings side by side. All I heard was laughter and distant chatter as I neared my car. Tears welled up in my eyes and I thought back over all of the trials and tribulations my little guy had been through over the past 3 years. I was so happy just thinking about how on top of the world he must feel to have all of these friends who want to play with him. Instead of sitting in the shadows being left behind by those he so desperately wanted to play with, he is now the child who his classmates long to have as their friend.

RR and PS, you know who you are – without the support and guidance of you both our family would not be where we are today. I am thankful every minute of every day that you both came into our lives. With your guidance as well as so many others we are where we are today. One particular teacher at TAE as well as the OPNS and ABR staff has a lot to do with this progress as well. I am not blind to the fact that there will still be tough days ahead, yet it is days like today that I truly see the sun through the clouds and although we are on the road less traveled, it is definitely the right road for us!