Battle between body and brain

I just read a friend’s post and smiled to myself b/c I could relate to just about everything she said, yet never actually put it in writing. She wrote about how it would be nice to have a month long nap (joking about wanting to be in a coma) or a day to just lay around when you feel sick and that she could really use a weekend away filled with rest and relaxation. I am sure that just about every mom can relate to what she wrote, yet KUDOS to her for actually putting it in writing on her blog! Love you KLaw - you rock!

Her blog could not have come at a better moment for me. I had just heard my 5 year old downstairs struggling to make it through something. I am not sure what set off the hysteria this time, but I am certain it was some sort of struggle between his brain and his body trying to connect. I sometimes try and figure out how he must be feeling when he just can't get his body to do what his brain is saying it should be doing. Our old bx(who was amazing by the way) would tell me to think about my son's brain in the following way – “He has a CD rom with scratches on it and our job is to help teach him how to cope well enough so that it appeared as though we erased the scratches.” He would also tell me that we were teaching him the ability to work through his issues without melting down or feeling as though he disappointed himself or those around him. This, my friends, is one of the many struggles we deal with on a daily basis. The good news is that these heightened states of emotion now happen a few times a week instead of a few times a day, lasting 15-20 minutes instead of 30-60 minutes at a time. I am not sure where we would e without the team of early interventionists we work with on a daily basis. Today l sit here with tears in my eyes because we had some tough “moments”, but overall it was a good day. I have to take each day and break it down into sections, remembering that less than a year ago things were much worse, he was much less comfortable in his own skin and we were coming undone at the seams.

As I sat upstairs listening to him try and work through whatever was "ailing" him, I could hear the frustration change to disappointment within him. At first he couldn't regulate his own body enough to say what was bothering him. Once he was able to calm himself down enough to talk through what was going on, he then became quite upset with himself for not being able to deal with whatever it was that set him off in the first place. This may make no sense to you, but to me it makes complete sense and I am certain that there are a few people following my blog that can also relate to exactly what I am saying. Since writing this paragraph I found out that he definitely was struggling with getting his words out and became furious with himself as the frustration built up. Once he was calm enough to talk through how he felt, he realized that he failed to pick up just one thing that he had thrown during this “heightened state of emotion” and then became very disappointed in himself, saying that he didn’t do a good job and that the Bx should not tell him he did a good job because he didn’t. See, part of what goes through his little mind is that although he is in a heightened state of emotion, he knows what he wants to say and just can’t get it from his brain to his mouth or from his brain through to his body to stay calm. Once he finally calms down, at times he becomes disappointed in his own actions and then once again gets frustrated, but this time for not being able to stay in control. The struggle he faces daily b/w brain and body saddens me, yet the progress he has made in his ability to cope with these issues brings a huge smile to my face and an overall feeling of hope and joy!